Oh hey, January 2016! ^_^

For the first time in my life, I forgot a friend of mine. Just in my brain. So when she sent me a friendly hello, I paused and realized that I had forgotten her. That made me stop. I used to remember all the details about everyone but that's also because very few people were in my life. As the years pass by, I have started to forget and it has started to make sense. This also means I am more understanding of when other people forget things. I misplace memories or sometimes I lose them entirely (I remember a while back, when I was in India, meeting someone who I apparently knew from tuition classes. Till this date, I can never remember having met him. Bizarre). But I cannot remember the last time I forgot a person entirely. On a happier note, I also realized I have a friend-in-progress. Someone whose company I enjoy very much each time we meet and it gets better. I feel lucky.

This week in life

(this is an old piece from the time when I was in the right city but wrong house)

There is something to be said for evening skies that look like the Camlin ink spills of my school years, for the breeze of a pedestal fan built from a scratch. I can hear the city moving on the highway, the muffled roar of the city train rolling by. Occasionally a helicopter lands on a helipad in the middle of a park; after all we are close to a hospital. The Internet connection is patchy, always patchy, it breaks every few minutes. A middle-aged man is doing yoga in a park and I see lots of families sitting in the park. The corridors of this building smell like the hidden parts of a bad restaurant. I ask about recycling only to be told 'we don't do that sort of thing here. Don't worry, you don't have to separate'. What if I want to separate? This has started to feel too much like the parts of home I tried to leave behind. I know in two days that this is untenable. I am starting to feel the invisible shackles again. I look and look and look until I hit jackpot. I am mostly moved out but can't afford rent in two places. So I sit, in this dimly lit room, watching the sky turn black, streets lit orange. I have given up frugality for this weekend, my latest splurge is a pillow that I lean against. I can't lie, it feels good. I miss my four pillows. By some magic, Netflix has finally started to work. I need those conversations in the background, the long weekend looms and I find myself wishing for plans and company. This place makes me stand out, not in a good way, but as a malfunctioning misfit. I have done that for too long in this life, I defiantly refuse to do it anymore.

On Loneliness

This.

“I am lonely, yet not everybody will do. I don't know why, some people fill the gaps and others emphasize my loneliness. In reality those who satisfy me are those who simply allow me to live with my ''idea of them.”

― Anaïs Nin

2016

2015 is over. Done and dusted. Who would have thought? It doesn't really feel like a new year although the thought of being almost 30 is a little alarming. December was quite a month and that's why the lack of posts. Lots of ups and downs. I had quite a bizarre list of highlights from 2015 but then gave up on it. It included a bizarre conversation with a Lyft driver who called me a 'mature and passionate woman' and said 'religion has never caused any harm' (plus insisted I sit up front and patted my knee). He was serious, I was intent on making it home. I've never had such a bizarre experience with Uber and having used a few more Lyfts around town, some of it is Lyft (which I am going to try and not use at all anymore).