Day 8, 9 and more?

Obviously it's been busy and I've not really been posting (in other news I've also not been on Facebook and that has been good for me). My apartment hunt goes on and it is taxing, but that's always true. The weather has been absolutely lovely and for that I am thankful. I am trying to learn how to take notes with a stylus. I listen to some interesting podcasts every day. Basically I try and I am grateful for the trying.

Day 6 and 7

It has been busy, busy enough that there was little time to write and post this. But today is Saturday night, I have had one of the best naps of my life and I am wide awake in a way I never am in the week. I am a little bored and not in the mood to work. To be honest, I am not in the mood for computer screens either. I've been apartment hunting and that was the only thing I left the house for today.

Day 5, calmly chaotic

Today started early. Early mornings are tricky for me but I made it to work. We were out for a site visit and when I returned to work, my very nice colleague had gone to the new gym that opened close to us and got me a free yoga mat as instructed (I don't need it, I just wanted some free swag). I had a chance to attend an event about equitable funding, take the Metra, and meet a friend who I am very fond of. It was a day full of a lot of different things but even though the sum of it felt chaotic, I did not let it get to me. I have the fleeting thought that I'm forgetting to worry about something, that I shouldn't be as calm as I feel. But that will pass. I'm absorbing every single details of the Poirot series on Netflix. I am grateful today for how rich my life is in the different kinds of experiences I have, places I go to and people I meet. I am also glad I am occasionally able to remember how meaningful each individual piece even if the sum is overwhelming.

Day 4, rested and thoughtful

Despite my usual waking up to work emails routine, I caught a quick second nap and woke up rested. Take a second with that, I woke up rested. It doesn't happen. My whole work day had no meetings and I got a lot done, while not on constant alert. Being constantly hyperaware is exhausting and I've only recently started to notice how unconsciously tense I am. It was a calmer day, it was a good day. I made some progress with hiring for the team I am building and it reminds me that I am doing something here. Days like this, I don't mind the long hours. Towards the end, I was chatting with colleagues and it was convivial, a pleasant in-between moment between leaving work and being back home/outside. I'm out in the field tomorrow and that will be interesting -- I think the key to this week has been the number of unexpected and new experiences. They keep me curious. I think day 4 was full of more aware gratitude :)

Day 3, still trying, still here

A-comforting-background-noise-sort-of-gratitude

I woke up today, dealt with lots of work emails and fell asleep. Of course I ran late and usually that makes me twitchy. I tried to stay calm and I was grateful not to myself, but the work space that allows for the occasional lapse. I had a long day at work and my favorite, most productive moments are after the office empties out. I was irrationally grateful for the Uber driver on my ride home not wanting to talk. I type this right before bed (hello wicked vivid dreams), knowing I need to wake up in five hours.

Trying something new/Days of gratitude

I want to say it has been a strange year but to be honest, it has been just like the others. Mundane with a few exciting moments, lonely with a few friendly faces, a constant thrum of self-deception with the occasional moment of brutal honesty.

Still if I pause and think about it, I am 30 years old. I am very different from who I imagined I would be but I also make the same mistake (or versions of it) very often. In conversation with a friend recently, I did that thing where you say the worst thing you think about yourself to see if your friend believes it -- my friend did. I am a judgmental bitch. It is what it is, but it made me a trifle sad and got me thinking about some of my habits, which are just remains of a different time in life.