The Right Fit

It's always a matter of luck and pleasure when you find that absolute right fit. It can be pretty much anything -- the headband that doesn't grip your hair too tightly or slide off; the coffee mug you can hold without effort; the shoes that you forget you are wearing.

I finally found that perfect fit with a fitness app. Like most of us, I've been trying over the years to find something that suits me. Too structured and I am out. Too loose and I don't adhere to it. I needed the just right bed, like Goldilocks, and I found it -- FitOn. The workouts are on-demand and they have classes. It's by level, impact, intensity and several other combinations. You can schedule your workouts. Their lengths suit me -- no more than 30 minutes usually. The fact that we are working remotely means that I have time to do this before and after work hours, and sometimes even during the occasional lunch break. 

Getting into a routine is hard, and the first few days I was so tired, I was hard-pressed to imagine how I would make this work if I also had my usual 2 hour commute. The only annoying thing is the invite your friend pop up, which shows up non-fucking-stop - before you start a workout, when you schedule a workout, after the workout, all the damn time. No friend of mine is using this app (and believe me I have tried). Stop it already. I even went in for a paid subscription.

I haven't seen my weight shift a pound but I am getting stronger. I sleep better and I feel more awake when I am awake. The routines become easier. I can hold a plank longer. I can actually do a full push up. All of these are great things in general, but especially in the middle of damned pandemic when routines are off and it's so easy to start the wine at 6 pm. After all, what's the difference when the day has ended. The stay-at-home order has been extended till the end of May (rightfully so) but that means there is even less activity in our collective futures.

What's Your Pandemic Personality and Other Stupid Questions

When acrylics are not an option,
Static Nails to the rescue

One of the worst takes so far (far below the take that people who work for places like Instacart and Amazon are making a freewill choice) is that we must use the Pandemic to self-improve, and come out on the other end better and more accomplished people. This is a bad take. For many, many reasons. For starters, it's a pandemic and not a vacation. It's stressful. It's traumatic. We have to stay at home, it's not a choice we are making (of course there is give and take on this depending on where you live). Our "best selves", whatever that may be, isn't going to emerge just because we suddenly have free time. A lot of us actually don't have free time -- think of the people working + raising and schooling kids + being caregivers and more. Some folks are trapped in abusive, dangerous situations. Our support 
There are obviously some of us who can make choices, which make the situation less worse. One of the first choice or realization should be to ask yourself: are you able to work from home safely and stay employed? That in itself is more than most of the world; although it may seem like this is the dominant way of working, it is not. I think it's okay to whine occasionally as long as we don't lose that perspective. Sure, it sucks to be inside when it's a nice day outside. But it's absolutely nothing compared to having to go outside because you have zero choice. Unemployment is not a choice most people make willingly. Nobody should have to remind others of that but apparently we do.



I have found that after reminding myself of both my luck and privilege, it becomes easier to switch to seeing minor irritations for what they are -- minor, insignificant irritations. If you have made it this far, perhaps you are interested in seeing my list of little pleasures (and just to absolutely clear, I would happily trade all of these to not be in a pandemic world):

1. The ability to sleep and wake up at my natural wake up time. I am not a morning person. In fact, I am a better person when I wake up at 8 am. That is not an option on a regular workday. I am enjoying it for now.

2. Actually utilizing my whole wardrobe of workout clothes. And, and, and actually using them to workout! Not every single day but a lot of the days. Not always cardio but often. 

3. Doing laundry regularly (okay, okay, once a day). Apparently there are no 'coin collectors', whoever those people are. So the quarters keep showing up and laundry is basically free. I launder everything, I dislike the idea of soiled clothes or linen. Anything that can be washed must be washed.

4. Starting to reduce my grasping/hoarding mind. I definitely had a period of this in March, and I finally seem to be moving away from it. I have enough. There are a lot of reasons for having scarcity mindset but I think it's time to start letting go of it a little.

4. Talking to people I haven't spoken to in a decade, half a decade, or even few years. Zoom/videos can be exhausting of course, but it has been nice to catch up with folks. We may not be as close as we once were but our lives intersected and may still intersect in the future and it's just a nice feeling.

One overall theme (not unexpected at all) is that people's lives have taken expected trajectories, and mine has not -- depending on which decade you use as a baseline. At 25 I did not imagine that, at 33 it's a choice I've made. But I still find myself trying to explain my life as a series of choices versus things that happened to me (partnered but housed separately, child/less/free etc, my work which is.. not a traditional path but really not that unusual either). I am not sure why I offer the explanations without anyone asking: guilt? certainty that people have those questions running in their minds? Who knows. What I do know is that I have not really encountered (visible to me ha) judgment, rather kindness. I think this is a result of two things: my wise choice of friends (:)), and the overall maturity that comes in your thirties -- people see both the ups and downs of their choices and realize there are more choices out there.

On that note, back to puttering around the house before it's wine-o-clock ha.

Cats-atrophe

So..we saw Cats. By we I mean friends from grad school in the Twin Cities, and me from the comfort of my recliner. We would have had to shell out 20 bucks each but luckily it became available for rental for six bucks. That was too much as well but ok.

What.A.Mess. 

Seriously, what a goddamn mess. The weird acting, the random fur and whiskers, the occasional disturbing disrobing. Rebel Wilson singing into her own tail. Judi Dench looking like she is at the end of her life. Idris Elba, that man needs a better agent. You know how there are things that are such a train wreck that they become funny. Not this movie.

The funnest part of this (after the wine) was going to reddit for the reviews. Gems include:

"This movie was not released. It escaped."

"I was never a cats person. After this movie, I am not sure I am a movies person."

"After watching this movie, I became an atheist. No loving god would allow this to exist."

It's still unclear to us if the butthole cut is real or not, the production house is refusing to confirm or deny it. I would sign the petition to take Tom Hooper's Oscar back. It's going to be hard to unsee parts of it. I can't recommend this movie at all. Don't watch it. Save your time and your eyes.

Divert Your Mind

With these interesting links:

Some Good News with John Krasinski (from The Office, in case you have lived under a rock forever ha)

Zoom Exhaustion is Real

This free app with lots of workouts for your distracted mind (aka less than 20 minutes)

Online Pictionary if you are so inclined

On a more serious note, why consumerism persists, even during a pandemic

I'm not the most interesting person at the best of times, so that doesn't change a lot during a pandemic. But I do receive a solid batch of memes and funny videos every single day, so those may be the complete content of my next post.

May you live in interesting times...

Some generous soul left laundry
 quarters at all the machines

is fabled to be a curse and one can see how. Times right now are certainly...interesting, although I think that's a poor choice of adjective, given that calamitous and destructive are more applicable to the majority of the world. It's an odd helplessness, when inaction is supposed to help. I've reduced my consumption of news even more; what do I do with the endlessly rising numbers? Instead I finish the entire season 4 of Kim's Convenience in 2 nights, and I recommend it highly to you. But of course you won't watch it -- we all have these shows friends and colleagues recommend to us as must-watch. We file them in some neglected corner, sticking to what we know and enjoy. Occasionally our preference and the recommendation overlap, and it's a happy Venn diagram for a while.

Results of my accident stockpiling

On Friday I video-chatted with dear friends from grad school. I don't think anyone has vocabulary for what is going on, and so we also use humor to cope. Of course Saturday morning I woke up at the early hour of 7:30 am (it's all subjective) and could not fall asleep again. During the day I did face masks, hair masks, nail masks. I took the trash out, did laundry, cooked chicken, organized the spice racks, finished a (lighthearted) book, ironed clothes and more. All of it felt futile and the name for the feeling fell into place then: it's futility coupled with lack of an adequate purpose. As someone in the best possible situation currently, the inaction feels inadequate and irresponsible. It isn't as far as social distancing and staying at home is concerned. My grocery trips, while a piece in staying sane during this, will be reduced. What is a helpful distraction for me is likely certain illness for someone else, and wildly impossible. I am also deeply influenced by the Lori memes and am here for them! You gotta love the folder! Also the city and state level leadership is very heartening to watch, especially in a time where folks are doubling down to demonstrate federal incompetence.