Life After Shelter At Home: So Many Questions

Art for my heart

Return to normal is starting, and I am fascinated. Fascinated being the word of choice but I really can't think of another, better one. How we will all navigate this: including those who believe we will return to our old normal, and those who believe we will never return to our old normal. Chicago is starting to open up, as is the entire state. I am grateful for state and local leaders who act like leaders, and who believe in science. Healthcare experts inform the decisions, and that matters tremendously. I am not downplaying the economic impact, and there are recovery models out there that posit that some people will choose to take health risks because of the economic implications of not doing so. It is not something to be scoffed at, the recession that is coming could be catastrophic. Since I can sit and do my work at home, I don't think I have too much of a right to judge folks who may not have options. I won't lie, I am frustrated by people who have options but still choose to risk the lives of others.


What do you do when someone in close contact with you won't wear a mask? When it's a family member or a loved one? When it's someone you encounter during the course of your daily work? It's hard to have that conversation. It's harder to have that conversation when wearing a mask is seen as an infringement of personal liberties. That is not a discussion happening in countries in Asia or other parts of the world, where individual liberties are not valued in the same way (not that that is without it's problems). I don't particularly enjoy wearing a mask, and nor do the people I know. But it's really not about that.

My newsfeed yesterday led me to an article about people who are part of m i l i t i a, preparing, nay looking forward to armed confrontation. If you are interested look up Hawaiian shirts and other keywords. I can't bring myself to link to any of it, it can't lead to anything good. On one hand, knowing feels like being prepared for...something. But knowledge of this kind is also paralyzing. Take a look at this article, which lays out in detail how the current administration is looking to stop and decimate visa and immigration pathways. After I read this, I felt like I couldn't breathe for a while, despite being aware of this risk for years at this point. I try and make peace with the uncertainty, nay the specific targeting of the programs regularly. There is not much I can do as individual, and to be anxious about something so beyond my control robs me of precious days and happiness. I can't decide whether knowing helps me in this case or not. Let's look at the worst case scenario: I (we) have to pack up and start all over again somewhere. Is there really a way to prepare for that stress and worry? In my mid-thirties I feel the loss of today to worry about tomorrow a lot more keenly. A sense of mortality, completely contrary to the sense of invincibility in twenties, has started to grip me more and more. Things end, people die, and somehow life keeps moving even as people's worlds collapse. I'm a beacon of cheerfulness, I know.

There is also the (inevitable?) feeling of confronting not only one's mortality, but also one's mediocrity. Is this it? Have I peaked? Is my future path predetermined at this point, and all the choices I make, while feeling freewill, are actually from a narrowed set of options. I value productivity and constantly challenging myself, and slowing down and acceptance of what is. They feel contradictory but I am not sure that they are, or rather that they have to be. I am also aware of not being as hungry and driven as I used to be in my twenties. Of course, a lot of that was driven by pure insecurity and anxiety, and hardly healthy. But I still want to regain some of that motivation, and to be fair to myself, I have been able to in the last two months. The time I have saved on commuting, I have been able to put towards exercising (the sole aim right now is consistency, the rest can come later); cooking for myself (I believe that pretty much anything I make at home is healthier than takeout or delivery options available to me); and finally learning/studying. I wanted to take the project management exam, which is an extraordinarily tedious process: both the preparation, and the actual exam -- think four hours, one ten minute break, no water in the exam space etc. It's a test of mental and physical endurance, and I am not sure who the physical endurance piece serves.

What's Your Pandemic Personality and Other Stupid Questions

When acrylics are not an option,
Static Nails to the rescue

One of the worst takes so far (far below the take that people who work for places like Instacart and Amazon are making a freewill choice) is that we must use the Pandemic to self-improve, and come out on the other end better and more accomplished people. This is a bad take. For many, many reasons. For starters, it's a pandemic and not a vacation. It's stressful. It's traumatic. We have to stay at home, it's not a choice we are making (of course there is give and take on this depending on where you live). Our "best selves", whatever that may be, isn't going to emerge just because we suddenly have free time. A lot of us actually don't have free time -- think of the people working + raising and schooling kids + being caregivers and more. Some folks are trapped in abusive, dangerous situations. Our support 
There are obviously some of us who can make choices, which make the situation less worse. One of the first choice or realization should be to ask yourself: are you able to work from home safely and stay employed? That in itself is more than most of the world; although it may seem like this is the dominant way of working, it is not. I think it's okay to whine occasionally as long as we don't lose that perspective. Sure, it sucks to be inside when it's a nice day outside. But it's absolutely nothing compared to having to go outside because you have zero choice. Unemployment is not a choice most people make willingly. Nobody should have to remind others of that but apparently we do.



I have found that after reminding myself of both my luck and privilege, it becomes easier to switch to seeing minor irritations for what they are -- minor, insignificant irritations. If you have made it this far, perhaps you are interested in seeing my list of little pleasures (and just to absolutely clear, I would happily trade all of these to not be in a pandemic world):

1. The ability to sleep and wake up at my natural wake up time. I am not a morning person. In fact, I am a better person when I wake up at 8 am. That is not an option on a regular workday. I am enjoying it for now.

2. Actually utilizing my whole wardrobe of workout clothes. And, and, and actually using them to workout! Not every single day but a lot of the days. Not always cardio but often. 

3. Doing laundry regularly (okay, okay, once a day). Apparently there are no 'coin collectors', whoever those people are. So the quarters keep showing up and laundry is basically free. I launder everything, I dislike the idea of soiled clothes or linen. Anything that can be washed must be washed.

4. Starting to reduce my grasping/hoarding mind. I definitely had a period of this in March, and I finally seem to be moving away from it. I have enough. There are a lot of reasons for having scarcity mindset but I think it's time to start letting go of it a little.

4. Talking to people I haven't spoken to in a decade, half a decade, or even few years. Zoom/videos can be exhausting of course, but it has been nice to catch up with folks. We may not be as close as we once were but our lives intersected and may still intersect in the future and it's just a nice feeling.

One overall theme (not unexpected at all) is that people's lives have taken expected trajectories, and mine has not -- depending on which decade you use as a baseline. At 25 I did not imagine that, at 33 it's a choice I've made. But I still find myself trying to explain my life as a series of choices versus things that happened to me (partnered but housed separately, child/less/free etc, my work which is.. not a traditional path but really not that unusual either). I am not sure why I offer the explanations without anyone asking: guilt? certainty that people have those questions running in their minds? Who knows. What I do know is that I have not really encountered (visible to me ha) judgment, rather kindness. I think this is a result of two things: my wise choice of friends (:)), and the overall maturity that comes in your thirties -- people see both the ups and downs of their choices and realize there are more choices out there.

On that note, back to puttering around the house before it's wine-o-clock ha.

Work From Home and Quarantined at Home

Note: there is humor in this, some of it is dark. I cope with humor but in no way am I trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation.

Prior to Day 1

Can't get eggs, potatoes or chicken for love or for money. We keep saying the shortages are artificial, but I can see that when the history books are written, the hoarders will probably have a section to themselves. On the other hand the guy that bought 17,000 hand sanitizers and had his face put in a newspaper, is likely to be the villain no one needed.

Day 1

It started at 8:30 and it felt like I worked more than I usually do at work ha! But it was a productive day, despite some audio hiccups. My WFH setup needs some redecorating but that's going to take a minute. My hypothesis is that week 1 is going to feel oddly intense because this is not business as usual in my world. Week 2 will be a lot more indicative. I can't see how this will end in 2 weeks. Flattening the curve is apparently at least an 8 week effort. Also my PMP exam got cancelled, so I have one less thing to worry about.

Did some grocery shopping at Patel's, which amazingly has a dedicated Coronavirus page. Apparently they are the victims of some false messaging on Whatsapp (?!). Trying to start a #whatsappandwine club. I am also feeling rather chatty because being at work fulfills the need to be social and suddenly it's not there. ]

Food habits have taken a hit the last few weeks, so used the evening to make some bharta in the Instant Pot. I love the Pot but it's become a lot more prone to beeping the Burn sign. Not cool Pot, not cool at all.

What will be key is the routine I develop and stick to. The absence of a routine and the presence of wfh is not a combination for a successful quarantine.

Day 2

Just as I was about to get on a call, electricity for the whole building went off. I definitely panicked, it felt apocalyptic. I went to the dank basement where our breakers live, and honestly it's like something from a scary movie I would never watch. It's so dark I bumped into a person also fixing his breaker, and screamed. So my brain was on high alert and panicked. I messaged way too many people, and asked for the go-ahead to go to work. I got it, and just as I was headed out the door, the electricity came back on. I have trust issues with most utility companies but if this is where our relationship is headed Comed, I am here for it.

I'm working on something I've never worked on before and it's complicated and I am learning a lot. I'm also feeling a little stupid, and am forgiving myself, because 1. I am learning as I go, and 2. There is no training. None. Ctc has been kind, and given me lessons and whatnot. But the covid response plan has taken over life for now. And I and most people I know are in the most privileged of life situations right now - wfh is not an option for everyone, getting paid in this time is not happening for everyone, being able to front expensive basic item purchases isn't to be taken lightly. Having a safe comfortable home. All of these are not small blessings (in their agnostic form).

It was a intense day, and at 6 pm I had to take an emergency nap (it's one of those where I just can't help falling asleep because of how stressed my body feels). My fight or flight response has been super activated since yesterday. 

On a lighter note, I've started watching Endeavour and it's pretty engrossing. With that, I'm heading back to tending to the Pot. 

An Almost Decade of Work

In June of 2019, I will have spent a decade of my life working (with a two year gap for graduate school in the middle). I started work as a callow 20 year old; my first job was as a copy-editor for a firm that provided editorial services. In retrospect, I can only marvel at my reasoning in accepting this job, it was a little bit of a non-sequitur after completing an Economics degree. My next significant role was working in Corporate Citizenship for a consulting firm; it is this job (and the people) that was the most formative experience for me as a young professional in my early career.

Over the course of this almost decade at work, I’ve attended several orientations, worked with people in and from different countries, gone from being a newbie and absolutely terrified of being wrong to understanding that mistakes are inevitable. I’ve worked in three countries and multiple cities; I’ve worked a domestic job that had a big international component and I work an international job that is as domestic and local as it gets. Last year, I spent some time talking to a career coach and this prompted me to scribble a list of sorts, about what I have learned during all this time – not technical or job-specific things but transferable skills and approaches that have and will continue to help me. I’m sharing this list here as a reminder to myself and in the hopes that it is relevant to others.

1. Make notes of what you work on:
I am not talking about your resume (although keep updating that regularly as well, instead of waiting till when you don’t have a choice or the time). I’m talking about all the projects and events and big and little tasks and research and articles, which may be significant in the immediate moment but are easy to forget as you change roles and jobs. This is hardly original advice but I find that even a couple of quick lines every few weeks about what I got done is a great memory jogging tool. It doesn’t just help with resumes, but also with interviews and other professional conversations, applications for fellowships and pro bono work, for side hustles and more and at the end of the day, to remind yourself.

2. Know what organizational tools work for you:
At this moment in 2019, the options to get and stay organized feel infinite. They range from the Getting Things Done methodology to Marie Kondo-ing your life; from Trello to Smartsheets; from Google Calendars to Bullet Journaling and everything in between. All of these don’t work for all of us. Some of these will last and others will fall by the wayside. But what is unlikely to change is your natural organizational personality (if you think you don’t have one or haven’t identified it that is a conversation for a different day). I’ve learned that I must write things down, otherwise they don’t stick on my memory. I’ve also learned that putting events in physical notebooks will only lead me to double-booking myself. I’ve learned that a simple list in Google Keep can be an effective tool to work with another person; while a project plan in Smartsheet, while detailed can often seem daunting to folks. Some people just make notes on their phone. The sooner you figure this out, the more it will help you.

Not ready to talk

Grief is a complicated, hydra-headed beast.

...

Decal on a Wall

There's lots going on. Work is in full momentun (and I am enjoying it, even though it has crept a little into my weekends and weeknights). Most days I feel fierce, occasionally I find myself a little tired and today I found myself amused and appalled -- so your regular work life. I have realized that along with the things I do well, I also have to remember that I tend to bluntness and directness that can seem abrasive. I also ask a lot of questions and push hard when I don't get clear answers. This is good to get work done but isn't always a great interpersonal trait. It is what I tend to naturally though and so I have to be conscious about it.

Summer in Chicago is full of hope and sunshine and it is good for my soul. Although without coffee I am nothing. I've been changing the room decor in spurts and now have two walls that are bright and cheerful - one of them has a lovely wall decal sourced via Etsy and the other has cheerful and positive posters from TJ Maxx and Etsy. I really struggled with mood recently and I have decided I can use all the good cheer in my life. 

Rainy days, summer days

Via Edwardmonkton.com

I've moved into YET another space. It is actually rather nice, has a window in the room with great natural light. The house has a back porch and more importantly a functional washer-dryer. Laundry is important for the soul. It is furnished and I have only had to buy minimal stuff such as linen and an incense-holder and lots and lots of chocolate-flavored cereal. The rain has been almost constant these last few days. The more I move, the faster I have learned to feel settled in. The frills fall away and I am slowly stripping to the bare essentials of what I need although there is a still long way to go in that process.

Dear Old Me and New Graduate Student

Being a graduate student is such a finite experience. If I could go back in time, and give myself advice, I would ask myself to outline my expectations from my graduate program. What do I expect from my classes? What do I hope to learn from my professors? What skills do I want to develop? What software should I learn? What should I be doing to advance my career? How do build my professional networks? What is it I want to be able to say when I leave graduate school? I would remind myself that after several years of work experience, I have useful things to contribute to many, if not all discussions, as well as much to learn.

Trainspotting

This is a post from when I was working. I used to travel a fair bit and unexpected things would often happen. In this post, I recount one of the more unusual adventures I had, while trying to board a train from a small town.

The interesting thing about my work is that a lot of interesting, unexpected things happen. Some of these are fun on the spot, for some I spot the fun much later. One of my recent train journeys is definitely something in which I saw the humor much later. Much, much later.

I had to board a Jan Shatabdi train early in the morning from this town in Punjab. I recall from previous attempts that I had to run for my coach in the train in the past because nothing is marked (unlike the Delhi platform where the train comes to stop at specific points for specific coaches). The coaches in trains are connected but I often get confused and so I always aim to board my coach. I had thought the confusion at the platform was bad. I was wrong. 

Picture updates

Work desk became much more fun

New York, New York

The conference in New York was fun. I was glad for the experience of presenting, but more so to meet MDP students from other universities (and learn about work they were doing, and make friends, and just chat). It was a low-stress event and I am grateful for that. The weather was lovely, I got to stay with some really kind folks and travel was mostly entertaining. Evenings were spent mostly at an outdoor restaurant close-by. Here are my two non-blurry pictures:

 

Walking back from the conference

At a panel. Fancy.

Suggestions welcome

I am working on a piece to understand what motivates women to seek an international graduate education. I'd like to speak to both current and past students (who are studying/have studied outside their home country) and have a chat to learn more about why they made the choices they did. I'm starting to ask around and if you'd be interested in speaking with me or guiding me to someone, I'd greatly appreciate it! I'll be happy to give more details if required. Thanks.

On skills and just doing things better

Both my work and being in graduate school have involved moving from project to project (of course with great variations in time frames and continuation). All these make for very interesting learning experiences, not necessarily easy. These are a list of things I have compiled as a reminder to myself to be able to work well on projects (fully knowing that having this list does not mean I adhere to it). I will state at the outset this is a lopsided list, you will notice the focus in mostly on the individual and not the group. This is intended that way. I think of it as lessons from my work in the past (and from the experience over this summer) for myself. Not all of it is right or right for everyone, but I find these useful. If you have any opinions to share, points to add, I would love to know. I like to think of this as a work in progress, just like life!

• The ability to plan: short, medium and long-term: I think of this as being able to see the big picture, plan for milestones to get there and then decide the small steps that everyone needs to take. Personally I prefer to go from having an idea of the final goal to identifying the smaller steps.

• The ability to implement and execute: to my mind this is a continuation of step one - planning and scheduling milestones and tasks, figuring out where things could fail,  being flexible about the small steps while being constant in the goal (as far as it makes sense to stay constant).

• The ability to manage information: I think it is an underrated skill and a very essential one. All of us are busy, often deluged by emails from listservs that are misused and sometimes less than professional, we have a lot to read, videos to watch, a mountain of information to get through. Being able to organize information, prioritize taking it in and responding (things I have learned the hard way: reading all my mails before responding to any emails, trying not to have an individual conversation while hitting the reply all button etc).

Field visit in pictures

We took a lot of pictures in Nam Giang. Our most fun and entertaining memories though aren't captured in any of these. Like the mini-hike through the forest. The joy (and relief) at finding a place to eat that we all liked. Our awe and shock at the baby whose only joy was in beating us all up. The rains, the mist, the mountains. But these should give you an idea.

We look at a rattan seedling
at a now defunct nursery

Mr. Ruoc, third from left, who was a
gracious host. Later we were told
 how he enjoyed the visit and sometimes
gets lonely and that made
me inexplicably sad.

Here and there from Nam Giang

Yesterday and today have been days of meeting harvesters and middlemen of rattan, among other things. We met with three sets of people yesterday and two today, had long conversations about the products they harvest, their relationship with the forest, the support they need to be successful. Each one of them was very kind to us. They offered us water, green tea, fruits and most importantly time and knowledge. Some of our meetings were at home, one at a coffee shop, and we visited one of the forest areas today. It is evident that people are poor - in one of the meetings we asked why some households do not harvest rattan. The village headman wryly replied it is because only the poor do it. In the forest today we saw young and older rattan trees, oui trees (the tallest in the forest), lon bon trees and some coffee trees. We also saw many, many ants, several of which feasted on us. We went to one village and one plantation first. We then started walking to another site which in the past was a rattan nursery but now has no support. Our walk attracted quite a bit of attention - children and adults looked and smiled at us, a pack of mangy and scrawny dogs that barked continuously at us and followed us a little. This was definitely a lot of forest and foliage. It started to rain a little but stopped soon which was good because being drenched in a downpour in the forest would have been quite the adventure but not as much fun.

Exploring in Nam Giang

'Uoi' drying outside

Today was a really good day in the field. It was full of meeting people, learning more about rattan harvesting and copious amounts of note-taking. We met the heads of a few villages, learned about how they harvest rattan, what is and is not working, what they need. We also learned a lot about another nut 'uoi'. It is available only once every 3-4 years and is worth a lot more money than things like rattan or crops like maize and rice. It makes sense now because at our last field visit one of the groups was busy collecting this and did not make it to our meeting. It seems like it does not react well to water (from a sales perspective), the collection period is short (June-July), while shaking the tree for is a good way to get it, a lot of time the tree is rather tall and cut down to get larger quantities. It seems to need shade in its younger days and then provides canopy cover. I know a lot about it, I saw it, I believe it helps with back pain, but I don't know how to spell it correctly. It is interesting because we went out to find more about rattan and instead we are back with a lot of information about 'uoi'. It seems like no training sessions, health camps etc are well-attended in this season because everyone is out to gather as much of it as they can. It makes complete sense. As one of the groups told us, rattan gatherers are among the poorest in their communities. Selling 'uoi' helps make a large amount of money but it is only once every few years. The day ended with a downpour that made the weather lovely. We then found a new local restaurant that was really nice. It had a picture of Che Guevera and I have to say this was one of the dinners I enjoyed the most, because we nerded out on discussions centering around race, discrimination, policies and more. I recognize that this is all talk and we don't necessarily achieve anything by only talking but I think it is a good platform to form my own ideas as I go along.

Coke in a bowl. First time for everything.

Say hullo to this super nice place in
Nam Giang

Look at the fancy lady and
the not so fancy man.

50-50

Karaoke is big here!

We could call today a bust or a win. I am going with win. We got to Nam Giang around 10:30. I woke up naturally at 6 am to go get Internet (and coffee) at a local shop. The Internet at our hotel had died last night (and I must say I exhibited pretty intense withdrawal symptoms). After our last field visit, we were definitely wary of what to expect - not all of us, but at least some. Well, it was needless worrying on our part. The hotel where we are staying is great, the rooms clean, the Internet works. What about work you ask? Well, it seems like there were what I am going to ambiguously call 'miscues'. Nobody who should have been expecting us was expecting us and so no meeting that we had planned happened. By tomorrow morning we will know if we are even meant to stay here for the week. Instead most of us gave into the temptation that is a siesta (I only got 15 minutes sadly). We woke up to learn  nothing was likely to happen today.

Beautiful furniture at the coffee shop

We then went to get coffee, some folks went for an informal chat over coffee about rattan. I got some work done, wrote some of a paper I need to write (and by wrote I mean jotted down bullet points in no particular order and felt very happy with myself). It rained heavily in the afternoon and the combination of the winds and mist over the lush mountains was rather pretty (and I am pretty hardened against such sentiments by now). I decided to take a walk around the hotel and met many babies and toddlers being taken out for the evening and fed their meals. It is cool and breezy and I remembered why hill stations can be so charming. Hue is great but extremely hot and I have forgotten what it feels like to live anyplace where the weather works with you. In general things are great. In terms of one of our projects, confusion abounds.

Bye Bye Hue (for a week)

So we leave for Quang Nam early morning tomorrow. I have no idea what to expect. The Internet at our hotel died due to a power surge/lightning and it seems like there is a dim chance of Internet for one week. Definitely a scary prospect. (Edited to add: eating crow in Nam Giang). I am feeling much better (there was a moment where I thought I could not go for this visit but then things picked up). Today was spent mostly Skyping, doing some work, getting prints in the hot afternoon (with the Laotian winds bringing more heat in), eating lots of Indian food in preparation for the week of relative starvation that awaits and not doing anything useful. I am writing this from a coffee shop to which we ran as soon as we figured that Internet at the hotel at died. Ok, they are mopping the floors and we are the last customers. I feel a little bad now. Bye!

Figuring out rattan

A month ago I had never heard the word rattan. Now I am spending my days figuring out how rattan grows, how its value chain operates, how can it be harvested sustainably and provide a source of livelihood to communities for our second project (in addition to the project about identifying community readiness for Payments for Ecosystem Services).

Rattan products at a shop

Rattan is one of the most commercially valuable Non Timber Forest Products. It is a "climbing spiny plant belonging to the palm family". It grows in tropical parts of Asia, Africa and Australia and while efforts have been made to classify and list different species, it doesn't seem like the work is quite complete yet. There are over 600 species of rattan that have been currently identified. Some of these are edible as well. While we saw acacia and rubber trees during our visit to Nam Dong, we didn't manage to see places where rattan is cultivated.

Rattan has several uses including for making furniture, baskets and decorative items. The rattan industry has seen tremendous growth in recent years and this has been accompanied by over-harvesting, exploitation and subsequent yield decline. Many of the countries where rattan grows have tried to set harvesting quotas on rattan. But since information on growth and yield is limited, these quotas are often ineffective.

Sustainable harvesting of rattan would involve identifying annual growth patterns, determining how much can be harvested annually without over-exploiting rattan, having a supportive legislative and policy framework, and having buy-in from the communities, the intermediaries, the non-profit organizations, and buyers.

Rattan falls within the larger category of Non Timber Forest Products and of course the larger problem of sustainably harvesting these. But unlike other products such as bamboo, less information is available about rattan.

If you'd like read more and learn about this spiny plant, check out the WWF page. I will keep posting more as I learn more!

The one where I ask a lot of questions!

This is a post full of questions. Serious questions. So everybody who is reading and has something to share, please do answer (here, email, social media, whatever is your preferred mode of communication :))

1. I am looking for resources about Community Forestry Enterprises, Non Timber Forest Products, sustainable harvesting and livelihoods and to talk to folks. If you know people who have worked in this area, especially South East Asia, and can help me connect, that would be great!
2. I am looking for Indo-German collaborations (organizations/initiatives/non-profit/private/government) that work in the area of education (higher education, internationalization of education), community and youth development, gender focused work. Any names spring to mind?
3. Ideas and suggestions on how a one month period in the winter (mid December to January) can be used best - I mean ideas on volunteer work, one-month internships etc. I don't want to be in Minnesota during winter break this year and am not sure I can do a month-long vacation. So it would be nice to be working or being useful in some way. Any ideas?
4. Project ideas: The Humphrey School has sent out a Request for Proposal for capstone projects for Spring 2015: essentially they are seeking proposals from organizations that want students to work on a sort of consulting project for a specific area around development, social or policy areas. Essentially this is a free project for the organization and a chance for students to gain some experience. More details of the project and timelines are at the following link: http://blog.lib.umn.edu/gpa/globalnotes/2014/04/humphrey-school-global-policy.php. Any ideas on interesting organizations and projects I could connect with?