Life After Shelter At Home: So Many Questions

Art for my heart

Return to normal is starting, and I am fascinated. Fascinated being the word of choice but I really can't think of another, better one. How we will all navigate this: including those who believe we will return to our old normal, and those who believe we will never return to our old normal. Chicago is starting to open up, as is the entire state. I am grateful for state and local leaders who act like leaders, and who believe in science. Healthcare experts inform the decisions, and that matters tremendously. I am not downplaying the economic impact, and there are recovery models out there that posit that some people will choose to take health risks because of the economic implications of not doing so. It is not something to be scoffed at, the recession that is coming could be catastrophic. Since I can sit and do my work at home, I don't think I have too much of a right to judge folks who may not have options. I won't lie, I am frustrated by people who have options but still choose to risk the lives of others.


What do you do when someone in close contact with you won't wear a mask? When it's a family member or a loved one? When it's someone you encounter during the course of your daily work? It's hard to have that conversation. It's harder to have that conversation when wearing a mask is seen as an infringement of personal liberties. That is not a discussion happening in countries in Asia or other parts of the world, where individual liberties are not valued in the same way (not that that is without it's problems). I don't particularly enjoy wearing a mask, and nor do the people I know. But it's really not about that.

My newsfeed yesterday led me to an article about people who are part of m i l i t i a, preparing, nay looking forward to armed confrontation. If you are interested look up Hawaiian shirts and other keywords. I can't bring myself to link to any of it, it can't lead to anything good. On one hand, knowing feels like being prepared for...something. But knowledge of this kind is also paralyzing. Take a look at this article, which lays out in detail how the current administration is looking to stop and decimate visa and immigration pathways. After I read this, I felt like I couldn't breathe for a while, despite being aware of this risk for years at this point. I try and make peace with the uncertainty, nay the specific targeting of the programs regularly. There is not much I can do as individual, and to be anxious about something so beyond my control robs me of precious days and happiness. I can't decide whether knowing helps me in this case or not. Let's look at the worst case scenario: I (we) have to pack up and start all over again somewhere. Is there really a way to prepare for that stress and worry? In my mid-thirties I feel the loss of today to worry about tomorrow a lot more keenly. A sense of mortality, completely contrary to the sense of invincibility in twenties, has started to grip me more and more. Things end, people die, and somehow life keeps moving even as people's worlds collapse. I'm a beacon of cheerfulness, I know.

There is also the (inevitable?) feeling of confronting not only one's mortality, but also one's mediocrity. Is this it? Have I peaked? Is my future path predetermined at this point, and all the choices I make, while feeling freewill, are actually from a narrowed set of options. I value productivity and constantly challenging myself, and slowing down and acceptance of what is. They feel contradictory but I am not sure that they are, or rather that they have to be. I am also aware of not being as hungry and driven as I used to be in my twenties. Of course, a lot of that was driven by pure insecurity and anxiety, and hardly healthy. But I still want to regain some of that motivation, and to be fair to myself, I have been able to in the last two months. The time I have saved on commuting, I have been able to put towards exercising (the sole aim right now is consistency, the rest can come later); cooking for myself (I believe that pretty much anything I make at home is healthier than takeout or delivery options available to me); and finally learning/studying. I wanted to take the project management exam, which is an extraordinarily tedious process: both the preparation, and the actual exam -- think four hours, one ten minute break, no water in the exam space etc. It's a test of mental and physical endurance, and I am not sure who the physical endurance piece serves.

Work From Home and Quarantined at Home

Note: there is humor in this, some of it is dark. I cope with humor but in no way am I trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation.

Prior to Day 1

Can't get eggs, potatoes or chicken for love or for money. We keep saying the shortages are artificial, but I can see that when the history books are written, the hoarders will probably have a section to themselves. On the other hand the guy that bought 17,000 hand sanitizers and had his face put in a newspaper, is likely to be the villain no one needed.

Day 1

It started at 8:30 and it felt like I worked more than I usually do at work ha! But it was a productive day, despite some audio hiccups. My WFH setup needs some redecorating but that's going to take a minute. My hypothesis is that week 1 is going to feel oddly intense because this is not business as usual in my world. Week 2 will be a lot more indicative. I can't see how this will end in 2 weeks. Flattening the curve is apparently at least an 8 week effort. Also my PMP exam got cancelled, so I have one less thing to worry about.

Did some grocery shopping at Patel's, which amazingly has a dedicated Coronavirus page. Apparently they are the victims of some false messaging on Whatsapp (?!). Trying to start a #whatsappandwine club. I am also feeling rather chatty because being at work fulfills the need to be social and suddenly it's not there. ]

Food habits have taken a hit the last few weeks, so used the evening to make some bharta in the Instant Pot. I love the Pot but it's become a lot more prone to beeping the Burn sign. Not cool Pot, not cool at all.

What will be key is the routine I develop and stick to. The absence of a routine and the presence of wfh is not a combination for a successful quarantine.

Day 2

Just as I was about to get on a call, electricity for the whole building went off. I definitely panicked, it felt apocalyptic. I went to the dank basement where our breakers live, and honestly it's like something from a scary movie I would never watch. It's so dark I bumped into a person also fixing his breaker, and screamed. So my brain was on high alert and panicked. I messaged way too many people, and asked for the go-ahead to go to work. I got it, and just as I was headed out the door, the electricity came back on. I have trust issues with most utility companies but if this is where our relationship is headed Comed, I am here for it.

I'm working on something I've never worked on before and it's complicated and I am learning a lot. I'm also feeling a little stupid, and am forgiving myself, because 1. I am learning as I go, and 2. There is no training. None. Ctc has been kind, and given me lessons and whatnot. But the covid response plan has taken over life for now. And I and most people I know are in the most privileged of life situations right now - wfh is not an option for everyone, getting paid in this time is not happening for everyone, being able to front expensive basic item purchases isn't to be taken lightly. Having a safe comfortable home. All of these are not small blessings (in their agnostic form).

It was a intense day, and at 6 pm I had to take an emergency nap (it's one of those where I just can't help falling asleep because of how stressed my body feels). My fight or flight response has been super activated since yesterday. 

On a lighter note, I've started watching Endeavour and it's pretty engrossing. With that, I'm heading back to tending to the Pot. 

An Almost Decade of Work

In June of 2019, I will have spent a decade of my life working (with a two year gap for graduate school in the middle). I started work as a callow 20 year old; my first job was as a copy-editor for a firm that provided editorial services. In retrospect, I can only marvel at my reasoning in accepting this job, it was a little bit of a non-sequitur after completing an Economics degree. My next significant role was working in Corporate Citizenship for a consulting firm; it is this job (and the people) that was the most formative experience for me as a young professional in my early career.

Over the course of this almost decade at work, I’ve attended several orientations, worked with people in and from different countries, gone from being a newbie and absolutely terrified of being wrong to understanding that mistakes are inevitable. I’ve worked in three countries and multiple cities; I’ve worked a domestic job that had a big international component and I work an international job that is as domestic and local as it gets. Last year, I spent some time talking to a career coach and this prompted me to scribble a list of sorts, about what I have learned during all this time – not technical or job-specific things but transferable skills and approaches that have and will continue to help me. I’m sharing this list here as a reminder to myself and in the hopes that it is relevant to others.

1. Make notes of what you work on:
I am not talking about your resume (although keep updating that regularly as well, instead of waiting till when you don’t have a choice or the time). I’m talking about all the projects and events and big and little tasks and research and articles, which may be significant in the immediate moment but are easy to forget as you change roles and jobs. This is hardly original advice but I find that even a couple of quick lines every few weeks about what I got done is a great memory jogging tool. It doesn’t just help with resumes, but also with interviews and other professional conversations, applications for fellowships and pro bono work, for side hustles and more and at the end of the day, to remind yourself.

2. Know what organizational tools work for you:
At this moment in 2019, the options to get and stay organized feel infinite. They range from the Getting Things Done methodology to Marie Kondo-ing your life; from Trello to Smartsheets; from Google Calendars to Bullet Journaling and everything in between. All of these don’t work for all of us. Some of these will last and others will fall by the wayside. But what is unlikely to change is your natural organizational personality (if you think you don’t have one or haven’t identified it that is a conversation for a different day). I’ve learned that I must write things down, otherwise they don’t stick on my memory. I’ve also learned that putting events in physical notebooks will only lead me to double-booking myself. I’ve learned that a simple list in Google Keep can be an effective tool to work with another person; while a project plan in Smartsheet, while detailed can often seem daunting to folks. Some people just make notes on their phone. The sooner you figure this out, the more it will help you.

Rest, Rinse, Repeat

One of the attributes I aspired to most in my twenties was the need for less rest. To be completely honest, I still envy people who need less sleep to function during the day. It just gives them more time to do more -- now doing more was an absolute ideal in my twenties but now.. now I question what makes the 'more' better. I thought of myself as an insomniac during undergraduate years but I now realize that it was more likely a combination of being a natural night owl and living in a household where the only guaranteed peace was between the hours of 11 pm and 6 am.

Unfortunately, the regular world as I know it favors the early birds over night owls even though those hours are not the most productive for everyone. While the only research I look for around sleep is how to become a morning person (and believe me I have trawled the internet far and wide for this), I did come across a podcast conversation about sleep and chronotypes and honestly all I could think was how long would it take for this to intersect with the world of work (longer than I would like let's be real). This is just one of the many pieces about the different sleep chronotypes and understanding how they work best.

In my twenties, I could and would power through days that followed nights of poor and inadequate sleep. In my thirties, that is harder and it impacts my ability to spend my day in a meaningful and engaged manner. I often think about how much happened in the last decade and how little I can remember if I did not make a point to note it somewhere. Of course, a lot has shifted since then, mostly for the better. One of those shifts is a deep need to be present in the here and now. One of the lines that resonate most with me (unattributed because I have no idea who to attribute it to): If not now, then when; if not here, then where. Part of being present for me is having the energy to engage in the moment and with the person in front of me. Apparently, no amount of caffeine can substitute for sleep. Still, there is always the lingering thought in my head about what else should I be doing. I occasionally have deep anxiety about what am I forgetting to be anxious about.