The Right Fit

It's always a matter of luck and pleasure when you find that absolute right fit. It can be pretty much anything -- the headband that doesn't grip your hair too tightly or slide off; the coffee mug you can hold without effort; the shoes that you forget you are wearing.

I finally found that perfect fit with a fitness app. Like most of us, I've been trying over the years to find something that suits me. Too structured and I am out. Too loose and I don't adhere to it. I needed the just right bed, like Goldilocks, and I found it -- FitOn. The workouts are on-demand and they have classes. It's by level, impact, intensity and several other combinations. You can schedule your workouts. Their lengths suit me -- no more than 30 minutes usually. The fact that we are working remotely means that I have time to do this before and after work hours, and sometimes even during the occasional lunch break. 

Getting into a routine is hard, and the first few days I was so tired, I was hard-pressed to imagine how I would make this work if I also had my usual 2 hour commute. The only annoying thing is the invite your friend pop up, which shows up non-fucking-stop - before you start a workout, when you schedule a workout, after the workout, all the damn time. No friend of mine is using this app (and believe me I have tried). Stop it already. I even went in for a paid subscription.

I haven't seen my weight shift a pound but I am getting stronger. I sleep better and I feel more awake when I am awake. The routines become easier. I can hold a plank longer. I can actually do a full push up. All of these are great things in general, but especially in the middle of damned pandemic when routines are off and it's so easy to start the wine at 6 pm. After all, what's the difference when the day has ended. The stay-at-home order has been extended till the end of May (rightfully so) but that means there is even less activity in our collective futures.

What's Your Pandemic Personality and Other Stupid Questions

When acrylics are not an option,
Static Nails to the rescue

One of the worst takes so far (far below the take that people who work for places like Instacart and Amazon are making a freewill choice) is that we must use the Pandemic to self-improve, and come out on the other end better and more accomplished people. This is a bad take. For many, many reasons. For starters, it's a pandemic and not a vacation. It's stressful. It's traumatic. We have to stay at home, it's not a choice we are making (of course there is give and take on this depending on where you live). Our "best selves", whatever that may be, isn't going to emerge just because we suddenly have free time. A lot of us actually don't have free time -- think of the people working + raising and schooling kids + being caregivers and more. Some folks are trapped in abusive, dangerous situations. Our support 
There are obviously some of us who can make choices, which make the situation less worse. One of the first choice or realization should be to ask yourself: are you able to work from home safely and stay employed? That in itself is more than most of the world; although it may seem like this is the dominant way of working, it is not. I think it's okay to whine occasionally as long as we don't lose that perspective. Sure, it sucks to be inside when it's a nice day outside. But it's absolutely nothing compared to having to go outside because you have zero choice. Unemployment is not a choice most people make willingly. Nobody should have to remind others of that but apparently we do.



I have found that after reminding myself of both my luck and privilege, it becomes easier to switch to seeing minor irritations for what they are -- minor, insignificant irritations. If you have made it this far, perhaps you are interested in seeing my list of little pleasures (and just to absolutely clear, I would happily trade all of these to not be in a pandemic world):

1. The ability to sleep and wake up at my natural wake up time. I am not a morning person. In fact, I am a better person when I wake up at 8 am. That is not an option on a regular workday. I am enjoying it for now.

2. Actually utilizing my whole wardrobe of workout clothes. And, and, and actually using them to workout! Not every single day but a lot of the days. Not always cardio but often. 

3. Doing laundry regularly (okay, okay, once a day). Apparently there are no 'coin collectors', whoever those people are. So the quarters keep showing up and laundry is basically free. I launder everything, I dislike the idea of soiled clothes or linen. Anything that can be washed must be washed.

4. Starting to reduce my grasping/hoarding mind. I definitely had a period of this in March, and I finally seem to be moving away from it. I have enough. There are a lot of reasons for having scarcity mindset but I think it's time to start letting go of it a little.

4. Talking to people I haven't spoken to in a decade, half a decade, or even few years. Zoom/videos can be exhausting of course, but it has been nice to catch up with folks. We may not be as close as we once were but our lives intersected and may still intersect in the future and it's just a nice feeling.

One overall theme (not unexpected at all) is that people's lives have taken expected trajectories, and mine has not -- depending on which decade you use as a baseline. At 25 I did not imagine that, at 33 it's a choice I've made. But I still find myself trying to explain my life as a series of choices versus things that happened to me (partnered but housed separately, child/less/free etc, my work which is.. not a traditional path but really not that unusual either). I am not sure why I offer the explanations without anyone asking: guilt? certainty that people have those questions running in their minds? Who knows. What I do know is that I have not really encountered (visible to me ha) judgment, rather kindness. I think this is a result of two things: my wise choice of friends (:)), and the overall maturity that comes in your thirties -- people see both the ups and downs of their choices and realize there are more choices out there.

On that note, back to puttering around the house before it's wine-o-clock ha.

Cats-atrophe

So..we saw Cats. By we I mean friends from grad school in the Twin Cities, and me from the comfort of my recliner. We would have had to shell out 20 bucks each but luckily it became available for rental for six bucks. That was too much as well but ok.

What.A.Mess. 

Seriously, what a goddamn mess. The weird acting, the random fur and whiskers, the occasional disturbing disrobing. Rebel Wilson singing into her own tail. Judi Dench looking like she is at the end of her life. Idris Elba, that man needs a better agent. You know how there are things that are such a train wreck that they become funny. Not this movie.

The funnest part of this (after the wine) was going to reddit for the reviews. Gems include:

"This movie was not released. It escaped."

"I was never a cats person. After this movie, I am not sure I am a movies person."

"After watching this movie, I became an atheist. No loving god would allow this to exist."

It's still unclear to us if the butthole cut is real or not, the production house is refusing to confirm or deny it. I would sign the petition to take Tom Hooper's Oscar back. It's going to be hard to unsee parts of it. I can't recommend this movie at all. Don't watch it. Save your time and your eyes.

Divert Your Mind

With these interesting links:

Some Good News with John Krasinski (from The Office, in case you have lived under a rock forever ha)

Zoom Exhaustion is Real

This free app with lots of workouts for your distracted mind (aka less than 20 minutes)

Online Pictionary if you are so inclined

On a more serious note, why consumerism persists, even during a pandemic

I'm not the most interesting person at the best of times, so that doesn't change a lot during a pandemic. But I do receive a solid batch of memes and funny videos every single day, so those may be the complete content of my next post.

May you live in interesting times...

Some generous soul left laundry
 quarters at all the machines

is fabled to be a curse and one can see how. Times right now are certainly...interesting, although I think that's a poor choice of adjective, given that calamitous and destructive are more applicable to the majority of the world. It's an odd helplessness, when inaction is supposed to help. I've reduced my consumption of news even more; what do I do with the endlessly rising numbers? Instead I finish the entire season 4 of Kim's Convenience in 2 nights, and I recommend it highly to you. But of course you won't watch it -- we all have these shows friends and colleagues recommend to us as must-watch. We file them in some neglected corner, sticking to what we know and enjoy. Occasionally our preference and the recommendation overlap, and it's a happy Venn diagram for a while.

Results of my accident stockpiling

On Friday I video-chatted with dear friends from grad school. I don't think anyone has vocabulary for what is going on, and so we also use humor to cope. Of course Saturday morning I woke up at the early hour of 7:30 am (it's all subjective) and could not fall asleep again. During the day I did face masks, hair masks, nail masks. I took the trash out, did laundry, cooked chicken, organized the spice racks, finished a (lighthearted) book, ironed clothes and more. All of it felt futile and the name for the feeling fell into place then: it's futility coupled with lack of an adequate purpose. As someone in the best possible situation currently, the inaction feels inadequate and irresponsible. It isn't as far as social distancing and staying at home is concerned. My grocery trips, while a piece in staying sane during this, will be reduced. What is a helpful distraction for me is likely certain illness for someone else, and wildly impossible. I am also deeply influenced by the Lori memes and am here for them! You gotta love the folder! Also the city and state level leadership is very heartening to watch, especially in a time where folks are doubling down to demonstrate federal incompetence.

Day...Whatever

Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life? 
~Mary Oliver, Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches

It's been a minute (or maybe fifty, who knows). I haven't been too stir crazy on the weekdays, there is still work, enough to be done to keep the day busy. There are phone calls and video calls and all sorts of things that give the day a purpose. But the weekend felt a bit claustrophobic, especially because the weather was gloomy with gale-like winds. But even as I whine, I still know and count all my agnostic blessings regularly. There are a lot of them.

One interesting thing I am learning about myself is that the structures which are harder for me to put in place during regular days are easier now. Not because any of it is fun but because I know that it's a slippery slope when you let that first sink-full of dishes pile up. So I've been diligent about trash and wiping things down and running the vacuum cleaner. It's not productive per se, but it's movement and action. 

In the Great Hoard of 2020, the one thing I did not stock up on are quarter rolls. This is no small thing. If the only way you can do laundry is by painstakingly inserting quarters into an unpredictable machine, you do not want to find yourself without quarters. Or close to having none. Of course, as with all things that went scarce in the Great Hoard of 2020, so did quarters. They are now being rationed. I have general anxiety about a bunch of things but I have not stopped talking about quarters for a while now. I finally have three rolls now, yay local Mariano's, but I don't think I will ever be able to stop hoarding them. Or worrying about them. I do A LOT of laundry, and I think it's partly because it's the thing that feels most in control. Things are falling apart but I have clean linen. The world has been acting a fool about toilet paper and I would just like a realistic prediction about when they will be back on the shelves. And no, September of this year is not an acceptable answer. There will be books upon books upon case studies upon interview questions about the Great American TP Shortage of 2020. History is being written, and the villains are revealing themselves (people who bought 17000 sanitizer bottles, video game companies that tried to declare themselves essential services, organizations preparing to absorb the stimulus checks their employees receive). We see you.

Weird Times

I mean, I continue to make occasional jokes but they feel more subdued for now. This isn't ending anytime soon, and the global governmental incompetence, while hardly surprising is rather sobering. I feel like there is an analogy in this piece. The intensity of work varies, which I expect. Everyone's calibrating to this new reality. It's dissonant, how a pandemic is raging outside her homes while inside maintains a steady illusion of normalcy. To be honest, I've drastically reduced my consumption of COVID news. Every article is an escalation, another (necessary and inevitable) boundary being drawn. I may not know the specifics of which borders are shut down, but I know most of them are. I do not want to see videos of people who believe their faith will protect them from the virus. 

The beginnings of stir crazy are here, and it makes sense. I haven't worked from home in five years, and while my working muscle hasn't deteriorated, structuring my day outside of it to use energy has (if it was ever present). I'm not the only one. 

It does feel a little bit like there isn't much to say. What can one say, there is a pandemic raging out there, and we are not prepared for it. It's pretty leveling, no country, rich or poor, is spared. Nor are people. Some of how I feel is pretty fatalistic and I think that is culturally ingrained and resurfaces at a time like this  - it doesn't mean I don't follow all the things I must. My writing muscle has definitely withered, I haven't written formally or informally for so long. I've read some thought-provoking pieces about how to stay tethered and to an extent, not waste these days (in ways you don't want, if your wasting is intentional and serves you, go for it).

Life In the Times of the Corona

So...2020. It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride hasn't it? I never regret the century and millennium I was born in, but boy oh boy, are we experiencing it all. I'd made the wise decision to go off Twitter in December, but the corona dragged me back there -- mostly because local press conferences were being live streamed there and until Friday, I truly believe that if I didn't watch it live, I'd miss some lifesaving detail. That's no true. Sure, the shelf life of the guidance isn't too long, but it's been pretty consistently accurate in the thirty minutes after.

So things have been...interesting. There are so many other adjectives out there, and fear, worry, panic are probably the boldest in the word cloud. It gives me hope to read about the acknowledgement of our collective anxiety contagion. Common sense, rooted in both plain common sense and proportionate worry, is of course necessary. Less necessary is the constant link-bombing filled with terrible news. Lots of people are surviving the corona. It still doesn't mean we don't need social distancing and to curb the spread and not actively harm the most vulnerable of the populations. Nothing I've said in this paragraph is or should be new information for anyone. 

Since you've made it this far, I think you deserve some happy distractions. This video of the penguins taking a walk around the Shedd aquarium is adorable. Kudos to Morning Brew for a handy guide on thriving in the quarantine. I recommend subscribing to it for a concise and non-dramatic summary of the state of the world each morning -- if it's coming to an end, I'd still want my daily dose of snark. Check out the badass Dr. Allison Arwady who is the Commissioner of the Chicago Department of Public Health. We are lucky to have her leading the response, grounded in facts, experience, and competence. Attributes which clearly are not widely-valued in others parts of government.