I am slight denial about moving, as if that would change anything. The weeks have flown by. Too soon, too fast. Same as ever. Life.
I have spent my time saying byes, meeting new people, trying to find housing via craigslist (always some crazies out there), sitting in the sun, trying to eat better. I pack intermittently, two suitcases for two months and then some. I am moving to a big city and in some ways I think the move will energize me. This entire week has been full of goodbyes. I saw a silent Swedish film from the twenties with live music in the background, strolled by the riverfront, tried a couple of new restaurants and made new friends. Also I ate tasty broccoli for the first time (I never knew it was possible). I know Monday will surprise. Being in a new city, new house, will surprise. It will be good to surprise my brain. I remind myself that some things will fall through the cracks. It is fine, it is life. The little period of unemployment after grad school has been good for soul but a little harsh on my wallet. Slowly but steadily I can feel the hum and buzz of graduate school leaving my bloodstream. Soon I will no longer hang out by my school, walk those same streets I did each day, bump into known folks. Soon I will be in a new city, with so much to explore. I am told Chicago is a big city and after Minneapolis, which can feel a little quiet, it will be vibrant and exciting. Between my last goodbyes and flurries, this weekend will be unreal. I remind myself to be present. This poem feels apt:
I have spent my time saying byes, meeting new people, trying to find housing via craigslist (always some crazies out there), sitting in the sun, trying to eat better. I pack intermittently, two suitcases for two months and then some. I am moving to a big city and in some ways I think the move will energize me. This entire week has been full of goodbyes. I saw a silent Swedish film from the twenties with live music in the background, strolled by the riverfront, tried a couple of new restaurants and made new friends. Also I ate tasty broccoli for the first time (I never knew it was possible). I know Monday will surprise. Being in a new city, new house, will surprise. It will be good to surprise my brain. I remind myself that some things will fall through the cracks. It is fine, it is life. The little period of unemployment after grad school has been good for soul but a little harsh on my wallet. Slowly but steadily I can feel the hum and buzz of graduate school leaving my bloodstream. Soon I will no longer hang out by my school, walk those same streets I did each day, bump into known folks. Soon I will be in a new city, with so much to explore. I am told Chicago is a big city and after Minneapolis, which can feel a little quiet, it will be vibrant and exciting. Between my last goodbyes and flurries, this weekend will be unreal. I remind myself to be present. This poem feels apt:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.
Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
meet them at the door laughing and invite them in.
Be grateful for whatever comes.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.
-- Jelaluddin Rumi,
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