Day...Whatever

Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life? 
~Mary Oliver, Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches

It's been a minute (or maybe fifty, who knows). I haven't been too stir crazy on the weekdays, there is still work, enough to be done to keep the day busy. There are phone calls and video calls and all sorts of things that give the day a purpose. But the weekend felt a bit claustrophobic, especially because the weather was gloomy with gale-like winds. But even as I whine, I still know and count all my agnostic blessings regularly. There are a lot of them.

One interesting thing I am learning about myself is that the structures which are harder for me to put in place during regular days are easier now. Not because any of it is fun but because I know that it's a slippery slope when you let that first sink-full of dishes pile up. So I've been diligent about trash and wiping things down and running the vacuum cleaner. It's not productive per se, but it's movement and action. 

In the Great Hoard of 2020, the one thing I did not stock up on are quarter rolls. This is no small thing. If the only way you can do laundry is by painstakingly inserting quarters into an unpredictable machine, you do not want to find yourself without quarters. Or close to having none. Of course, as with all things that went scarce in the Great Hoard of 2020, so did quarters. They are now being rationed. I have general anxiety about a bunch of things but I have not stopped talking about quarters for a while now. I finally have three rolls now, yay local Mariano's, but I don't think I will ever be able to stop hoarding them. Or worrying about them. I do A LOT of laundry, and I think it's partly because it's the thing that feels most in control. Things are falling apart but I have clean linen. The world has been acting a fool about toilet paper and I would just like a realistic prediction about when they will be back on the shelves. And no, September of this year is not an acceptable answer. There will be books upon books upon case studies upon interview questions about the Great American TP Shortage of 2020. History is being written, and the villains are revealing themselves (people who bought 17000 sanitizer bottles, video game companies that tried to declare themselves essential services, organizations preparing to absorb the stimulus checks their employees receive). We see you.

Weird Times

I mean, I continue to make occasional jokes but they feel more subdued for now. This isn't ending anytime soon, and the global governmental incompetence, while hardly surprising is rather sobering. I feel like there is an analogy in this piece. The intensity of work varies, which I expect. Everyone's calibrating to this new reality. It's dissonant, how a pandemic is raging outside her homes while inside maintains a steady illusion of normalcy. To be honest, I've drastically reduced my consumption of COVID news. Every article is an escalation, another (necessary and inevitable) boundary being drawn. I may not know the specifics of which borders are shut down, but I know most of them are. I do not want to see videos of people who believe their faith will protect them from the virus. 

The beginnings of stir crazy are here, and it makes sense. I haven't worked from home in five years, and while my working muscle hasn't deteriorated, structuring my day outside of it to use energy has (if it was ever present). I'm not the only one. 

It does feel a little bit like there isn't much to say. What can one say, there is a pandemic raging out there, and we are not prepared for it. It's pretty leveling, no country, rich or poor, is spared. Nor are people. Some of how I feel is pretty fatalistic and I think that is culturally ingrained and resurfaces at a time like this  - it doesn't mean I don't follow all the things I must. My writing muscle has definitely withered, I haven't written formally or informally for so long. I've read some thought-provoking pieces about how to stay tethered and to an extent, not waste these days (in ways you don't want, if your wasting is intentional and serves you, go for it).

Work From Home and Quarantined at Home

Note: there is humor in this, some of it is dark. I cope with humor but in no way am I trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation.

Prior to Day 1

Can't get eggs, potatoes or chicken for love or for money. We keep saying the shortages are artificial, but I can see that when the history books are written, the hoarders will probably have a section to themselves. On the other hand the guy that bought 17,000 hand sanitizers and had his face put in a newspaper, is likely to be the villain no one needed.

Day 1

It started at 8:30 and it felt like I worked more than I usually do at work ha! But it was a productive day, despite some audio hiccups. My WFH setup needs some redecorating but that's going to take a minute. My hypothesis is that week 1 is going to feel oddly intense because this is not business as usual in my world. Week 2 will be a lot more indicative. I can't see how this will end in 2 weeks. Flattening the curve is apparently at least an 8 week effort. Also my PMP exam got cancelled, so I have one less thing to worry about.

Did some grocery shopping at Patel's, which amazingly has a dedicated Coronavirus page. Apparently they are the victims of some false messaging on Whatsapp (?!). Trying to start a #whatsappandwine club. I am also feeling rather chatty because being at work fulfills the need to be social and suddenly it's not there. ]

Food habits have taken a hit the last few weeks, so used the evening to make some bharta in the Instant Pot. I love the Pot but it's become a lot more prone to beeping the Burn sign. Not cool Pot, not cool at all.

What will be key is the routine I develop and stick to. The absence of a routine and the presence of wfh is not a combination for a successful quarantine.

Day 2

Just as I was about to get on a call, electricity for the whole building went off. I definitely panicked, it felt apocalyptic. I went to the dank basement where our breakers live, and honestly it's like something from a scary movie I would never watch. It's so dark I bumped into a person also fixing his breaker, and screamed. So my brain was on high alert and panicked. I messaged way too many people, and asked for the go-ahead to go to work. I got it, and just as I was headed out the door, the electricity came back on. I have trust issues with most utility companies but if this is where our relationship is headed Comed, I am here for it.

I'm working on something I've never worked on before and it's complicated and I am learning a lot. I'm also feeling a little stupid, and am forgiving myself, because 1. I am learning as I go, and 2. There is no training. None. Ctc has been kind, and given me lessons and whatnot. But the covid response plan has taken over life for now. And I and most people I know are in the most privileged of life situations right now - wfh is not an option for everyone, getting paid in this time is not happening for everyone, being able to front expensive basic item purchases isn't to be taken lightly. Having a safe comfortable home. All of these are not small blessings (in their agnostic form).

It was a intense day, and at 6 pm I had to take an emergency nap (it's one of those where I just can't help falling asleep because of how stressed my body feels). My fight or flight response has been super activated since yesterday. 

On a lighter note, I've started watching Endeavour and it's pretty engrossing. With that, I'm heading back to tending to the Pot. 

Life In the Times of the Corona

So...2020. It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride hasn't it? I never regret the century and millennium I was born in, but boy oh boy, are we experiencing it all. I'd made the wise decision to go off Twitter in December, but the corona dragged me back there -- mostly because local press conferences were being live streamed there and until Friday, I truly believe that if I didn't watch it live, I'd miss some lifesaving detail. That's no true. Sure, the shelf life of the guidance isn't too long, but it's been pretty consistently accurate in the thirty minutes after.

So things have been...interesting. There are so many other adjectives out there, and fear, worry, panic are probably the boldest in the word cloud. It gives me hope to read about the acknowledgement of our collective anxiety contagion. Common sense, rooted in both plain common sense and proportionate worry, is of course necessary. Less necessary is the constant link-bombing filled with terrible news. Lots of people are surviving the corona. It still doesn't mean we don't need social distancing and to curb the spread and not actively harm the most vulnerable of the populations. Nothing I've said in this paragraph is or should be new information for anyone. 

Since you've made it this far, I think you deserve some happy distractions. This video of the penguins taking a walk around the Shedd aquarium is adorable. Kudos to Morning Brew for a handy guide on thriving in the quarantine. I recommend subscribing to it for a concise and non-dramatic summary of the state of the world each morning -- if it's coming to an end, I'd still want my daily dose of snark. Check out the badass Dr. Allison Arwady who is the Commissioner of the Chicago Department of Public Health. We are lucky to have her leading the response, grounded in facts, experience, and competence. Attributes which clearly are not widely-valued in others parts of government.