Life After Shelter At Home: So Many Questions

Art for my heart

Return to normal is starting, and I am fascinated. Fascinated being the word of choice but I really can't think of another, better one. How we will all navigate this: including those who believe we will return to our old normal, and those who believe we will never return to our old normal. Chicago is starting to open up, as is the entire state. I am grateful for state and local leaders who act like leaders, and who believe in science. Healthcare experts inform the decisions, and that matters tremendously. I am not downplaying the economic impact, and there are recovery models out there that posit that some people will choose to take health risks because of the economic implications of not doing so. It is not something to be scoffed at, the recession that is coming could be catastrophic. Since I can sit and do my work at home, I don't think I have too much of a right to judge folks who may not have options. I won't lie, I am frustrated by people who have options but still choose to risk the lives of others.


What do you do when someone in close contact with you won't wear a mask? When it's a family member or a loved one? When it's someone you encounter during the course of your daily work? It's hard to have that conversation. It's harder to have that conversation when wearing a mask is seen as an infringement of personal liberties. That is not a discussion happening in countries in Asia or other parts of the world, where individual liberties are not valued in the same way (not that that is without it's problems). I don't particularly enjoy wearing a mask, and nor do the people I know. But it's really not about that.

My newsfeed yesterday led me to an article about people who are part of m i l i t i a, preparing, nay looking forward to armed confrontation. If you are interested look up Hawaiian shirts and other keywords. I can't bring myself to link to any of it, it can't lead to anything good. On one hand, knowing feels like being prepared for...something. But knowledge of this kind is also paralyzing. Take a look at this article, which lays out in detail how the current administration is looking to stop and decimate visa and immigration pathways. After I read this, I felt like I couldn't breathe for a while, despite being aware of this risk for years at this point. I try and make peace with the uncertainty, nay the specific targeting of the programs regularly. There is not much I can do as individual, and to be anxious about something so beyond my control robs me of precious days and happiness. I can't decide whether knowing helps me in this case or not. Let's look at the worst case scenario: I (we) have to pack up and start all over again somewhere. Is there really a way to prepare for that stress and worry? In my mid-thirties I feel the loss of today to worry about tomorrow a lot more keenly. A sense of mortality, completely contrary to the sense of invincibility in twenties, has started to grip me more and more. Things end, people die, and somehow life keeps moving even as people's worlds collapse. I'm a beacon of cheerfulness, I know.

There is also the (inevitable?) feeling of confronting not only one's mortality, but also one's mediocrity. Is this it? Have I peaked? Is my future path predetermined at this point, and all the choices I make, while feeling freewill, are actually from a narrowed set of options. I value productivity and constantly challenging myself, and slowing down and acceptance of what is. They feel contradictory but I am not sure that they are, or rather that they have to be. I am also aware of not being as hungry and driven as I used to be in my twenties. Of course, a lot of that was driven by pure insecurity and anxiety, and hardly healthy. But I still want to regain some of that motivation, and to be fair to myself, I have been able to in the last two months. The time I have saved on commuting, I have been able to put towards exercising (the sole aim right now is consistency, the rest can come later); cooking for myself (I believe that pretty much anything I make at home is healthier than takeout or delivery options available to me); and finally learning/studying. I wanted to take the project management exam, which is an extraordinarily tedious process: both the preparation, and the actual exam -- think four hours, one ten minute break, no water in the exam space etc. It's a test of mental and physical endurance, and I am not sure who the physical endurance piece serves.

Another Day, Another Dollar (Kinda Sorta)

It's hard to believe it's been two months at this point, since we have been stay-at-home. Blursday is on it's way to becoming a formal word but I think for those of us lucky enough to work safely from home, the days are a giant lump of togetherness. I feel pretty fine for a person who hasn't seen anyone (except Instacart shoppers) for over a month and half. It helps that a. I am used to communicating with my partner over phone regularly (cause consultant traveling); and b. I feel fairly fulfilled by my online social life. 

One of my favorite things is a Saturday game morning (which for others is a Saturday game night, given their time zones). It distracts me enough to drink a smoothie with enough healthy ingredients to make up for the various deficiencies I might be developing. We also had a mini grad school reunion, and it's hard to believe we are five years away from that time. 

What's Your Pandemic Personality and Other Stupid Questions

When acrylics are not an option,
Static Nails to the rescue

One of the worst takes so far (far below the take that people who work for places like Instacart and Amazon are making a freewill choice) is that we must use the Pandemic to self-improve, and come out on the other end better and more accomplished people. This is a bad take. For many, many reasons. For starters, it's a pandemic and not a vacation. It's stressful. It's traumatic. We have to stay at home, it's not a choice we are making (of course there is give and take on this depending on where you live). Our "best selves", whatever that may be, isn't going to emerge just because we suddenly have free time. A lot of us actually don't have free time -- think of the people working + raising and schooling kids + being caregivers and more. Some folks are trapped in abusive, dangerous situations. Our support 
There are obviously some of us who can make choices, which make the situation less worse. One of the first choice or realization should be to ask yourself: are you able to work from home safely and stay employed? That in itself is more than most of the world; although it may seem like this is the dominant way of working, it is not. I think it's okay to whine occasionally as long as we don't lose that perspective. Sure, it sucks to be inside when it's a nice day outside. But it's absolutely nothing compared to having to go outside because you have zero choice. Unemployment is not a choice most people make willingly. Nobody should have to remind others of that but apparently we do.



I have found that after reminding myself of both my luck and privilege, it becomes easier to switch to seeing minor irritations for what they are -- minor, insignificant irritations. If you have made it this far, perhaps you are interested in seeing my list of little pleasures (and just to absolutely clear, I would happily trade all of these to not be in a pandemic world):

1. The ability to sleep and wake up at my natural wake up time. I am not a morning person. In fact, I am a better person when I wake up at 8 am. That is not an option on a regular workday. I am enjoying it for now.

2. Actually utilizing my whole wardrobe of workout clothes. And, and, and actually using them to workout! Not every single day but a lot of the days. Not always cardio but often. 

3. Doing laundry regularly (okay, okay, once a day). Apparently there are no 'coin collectors', whoever those people are. So the quarters keep showing up and laundry is basically free. I launder everything, I dislike the idea of soiled clothes or linen. Anything that can be washed must be washed.

4. Starting to reduce my grasping/hoarding mind. I definitely had a period of this in March, and I finally seem to be moving away from it. I have enough. There are a lot of reasons for having scarcity mindset but I think it's time to start letting go of it a little.

4. Talking to people I haven't spoken to in a decade, half a decade, or even few years. Zoom/videos can be exhausting of course, but it has been nice to catch up with folks. We may not be as close as we once were but our lives intersected and may still intersect in the future and it's just a nice feeling.

One overall theme (not unexpected at all) is that people's lives have taken expected trajectories, and mine has not -- depending on which decade you use as a baseline. At 25 I did not imagine that, at 33 it's a choice I've made. But I still find myself trying to explain my life as a series of choices versus things that happened to me (partnered but housed separately, child/less/free etc, my work which is.. not a traditional path but really not that unusual either). I am not sure why I offer the explanations without anyone asking: guilt? certainty that people have those questions running in their minds? Who knows. What I do know is that I have not really encountered (visible to me ha) judgment, rather kindness. I think this is a result of two things: my wise choice of friends (:)), and the overall maturity that comes in your thirties -- people see both the ups and downs of their choices and realize there are more choices out there.

On that note, back to puttering around the house before it's wine-o-clock ha.

Day...Whatever

Listen, are you breathing just a little, and calling it a life? 
~Mary Oliver, Have You Ever Tried to Enter the Long Black Branches

It's been a minute (or maybe fifty, who knows). I haven't been too stir crazy on the weekdays, there is still work, enough to be done to keep the day busy. There are phone calls and video calls and all sorts of things that give the day a purpose. But the weekend felt a bit claustrophobic, especially because the weather was gloomy with gale-like winds. But even as I whine, I still know and count all my agnostic blessings regularly. There are a lot of them.

One interesting thing I am learning about myself is that the structures which are harder for me to put in place during regular days are easier now. Not because any of it is fun but because I know that it's a slippery slope when you let that first sink-full of dishes pile up. So I've been diligent about trash and wiping things down and running the vacuum cleaner. It's not productive per se, but it's movement and action. 

In the Great Hoard of 2020, the one thing I did not stock up on are quarter rolls. This is no small thing. If the only way you can do laundry is by painstakingly inserting quarters into an unpredictable machine, you do not want to find yourself without quarters. Or close to having none. Of course, as with all things that went scarce in the Great Hoard of 2020, so did quarters. They are now being rationed. I have general anxiety about a bunch of things but I have not stopped talking about quarters for a while now. I finally have three rolls now, yay local Mariano's, but I don't think I will ever be able to stop hoarding them. Or worrying about them. I do A LOT of laundry, and I think it's partly because it's the thing that feels most in control. Things are falling apart but I have clean linen. The world has been acting a fool about toilet paper and I would just like a realistic prediction about when they will be back on the shelves. And no, September of this year is not an acceptable answer. There will be books upon books upon case studies upon interview questions about the Great American TP Shortage of 2020. History is being written, and the villains are revealing themselves (people who bought 17000 sanitizer bottles, video game companies that tried to declare themselves essential services, organizations preparing to absorb the stimulus checks their employees receive). We see you.

Weird Times

I mean, I continue to make occasional jokes but they feel more subdued for now. This isn't ending anytime soon, and the global governmental incompetence, while hardly surprising is rather sobering. I feel like there is an analogy in this piece. The intensity of work varies, which I expect. Everyone's calibrating to this new reality. It's dissonant, how a pandemic is raging outside her homes while inside maintains a steady illusion of normalcy. To be honest, I've drastically reduced my consumption of COVID news. Every article is an escalation, another (necessary and inevitable) boundary being drawn. I may not know the specifics of which borders are shut down, but I know most of them are. I do not want to see videos of people who believe their faith will protect them from the virus. 

The beginnings of stir crazy are here, and it makes sense. I haven't worked from home in five years, and while my working muscle hasn't deteriorated, structuring my day outside of it to use energy has (if it was ever present). I'm not the only one. 

It does feel a little bit like there isn't much to say. What can one say, there is a pandemic raging out there, and we are not prepared for it. It's pretty leveling, no country, rich or poor, is spared. Nor are people. Some of how I feel is pretty fatalistic and I think that is culturally ingrained and resurfaces at a time like this  - it doesn't mean I don't follow all the things I must. My writing muscle has definitely withered, I haven't written formally or informally for so long. I've read some thought-provoking pieces about how to stay tethered and to an extent, not waste these days (in ways you don't want, if your wasting is intentional and serves you, go for it).

Work From Home and Quarantined at Home

Note: there is humor in this, some of it is dark. I cope with humor but in no way am I trying to downplay the seriousness of the situation.

Prior to Day 1

Can't get eggs, potatoes or chicken for love or for money. We keep saying the shortages are artificial, but I can see that when the history books are written, the hoarders will probably have a section to themselves. On the other hand the guy that bought 17,000 hand sanitizers and had his face put in a newspaper, is likely to be the villain no one needed.

Day 1

It started at 8:30 and it felt like I worked more than I usually do at work ha! But it was a productive day, despite some audio hiccups. My WFH setup needs some redecorating but that's going to take a minute. My hypothesis is that week 1 is going to feel oddly intense because this is not business as usual in my world. Week 2 will be a lot more indicative. I can't see how this will end in 2 weeks. Flattening the curve is apparently at least an 8 week effort. Also my PMP exam got cancelled, so I have one less thing to worry about.

Did some grocery shopping at Patel's, which amazingly has a dedicated Coronavirus page. Apparently they are the victims of some false messaging on Whatsapp (?!). Trying to start a #whatsappandwine club. I am also feeling rather chatty because being at work fulfills the need to be social and suddenly it's not there. ]

Food habits have taken a hit the last few weeks, so used the evening to make some bharta in the Instant Pot. I love the Pot but it's become a lot more prone to beeping the Burn sign. Not cool Pot, not cool at all.

What will be key is the routine I develop and stick to. The absence of a routine and the presence of wfh is not a combination for a successful quarantine.

Day 2

Just as I was about to get on a call, electricity for the whole building went off. I definitely panicked, it felt apocalyptic. I went to the dank basement where our breakers live, and honestly it's like something from a scary movie I would never watch. It's so dark I bumped into a person also fixing his breaker, and screamed. So my brain was on high alert and panicked. I messaged way too many people, and asked for the go-ahead to go to work. I got it, and just as I was headed out the door, the electricity came back on. I have trust issues with most utility companies but if this is where our relationship is headed Comed, I am here for it.

I'm working on something I've never worked on before and it's complicated and I am learning a lot. I'm also feeling a little stupid, and am forgiving myself, because 1. I am learning as I go, and 2. There is no training. None. Ctc has been kind, and given me lessons and whatnot. But the covid response plan has taken over life for now. And I and most people I know are in the most privileged of life situations right now - wfh is not an option for everyone, getting paid in this time is not happening for everyone, being able to front expensive basic item purchases isn't to be taken lightly. Having a safe comfortable home. All of these are not small blessings (in their agnostic form).

It was a intense day, and at 6 pm I had to take an emergency nap (it's one of those where I just can't help falling asleep because of how stressed my body feels). My fight or flight response has been super activated since yesterday. 

On a lighter note, I've started watching Endeavour and it's pretty engrossing. With that, I'm heading back to tending to the Pot. 

Life In the Times of the Corona

So...2020. It's been a bit of a roller coaster ride hasn't it? I never regret the century and millennium I was born in, but boy oh boy, are we experiencing it all. I'd made the wise decision to go off Twitter in December, but the corona dragged me back there -- mostly because local press conferences were being live streamed there and until Friday, I truly believe that if I didn't watch it live, I'd miss some lifesaving detail. That's no true. Sure, the shelf life of the guidance isn't too long, but it's been pretty consistently accurate in the thirty minutes after.

So things have been...interesting. There are so many other adjectives out there, and fear, worry, panic are probably the boldest in the word cloud. It gives me hope to read about the acknowledgement of our collective anxiety contagion. Common sense, rooted in both plain common sense and proportionate worry, is of course necessary. Less necessary is the constant link-bombing filled with terrible news. Lots of people are surviving the corona. It still doesn't mean we don't need social distancing and to curb the spread and not actively harm the most vulnerable of the populations. Nothing I've said in this paragraph is or should be new information for anyone. 

Since you've made it this far, I think you deserve some happy distractions. This video of the penguins taking a walk around the Shedd aquarium is adorable. Kudos to Morning Brew for a handy guide on thriving in the quarantine. I recommend subscribing to it for a concise and non-dramatic summary of the state of the world each morning -- if it's coming to an end, I'd still want my daily dose of snark. Check out the badass Dr. Allison Arwady who is the Commissioner of the Chicago Department of Public Health. We are lucky to have her leading the response, grounded in facts, experience, and competence. Attributes which clearly are not widely-valued in others parts of government. 

Oh October!

I don't know where October went. I do know that it snowed in October, the scariest thing about this Halloween. My mom left in the middle of October, the teacher's strike started the next day, and the subsequent eleven work days were..something else. We returned to regular work on a Friday, and it was disorienting to say the least. I think the weekend helped in resetting. It's been busy, good busy, but still busy. I still haven't figured out the complete trick to getting my mind to quiet down completely so I have a million thoughts flitting at any given moment. That's a stressful mind space, it does make me feel that in addition to whatever I am worrying about, there are things I am forgetting to worry about.  

Teatro ZinZanni

 As my mom's trip winds up, I was looking for a play or performance that I could take her to, as a fun, one last thing to do at the end of the trip. None of the current plays appealed very much to me, and so I decided to look for something more magic or musical-like. For the record, I strongly dislike musicals and prefer my dialogues spoken and not sung. But this wasn't for me. I found something called 'Teatro ZinZanni' or as it's described 'Kit Kat Club on Acid'. Coincidentally we had been watching the season five finale of Schitt's Creek and this felt intriguing. So I did a little research, looked for discounted tickets and took the plunge -- the tickets were a pretty penny, this whole venture cost me two hundred plus. I am trying to shift my discretionary spending away from shopping and towards experiences so...

It wasn't the best day to head downtown because the Chicago Marathon was taking place and we had to walk a couple of blocks in the truly windy city. Once we reached the venue, there was an actual red carpet towards the elevator. We headed upstairs, there was coat check and a photo booth and a boutique store to buy things and a bar. I've been trying to be more fiscally wise and I was pretty determined to not buy random things (and tbh as much as I love my booze, noon on a Sunday was a bit early for me). We got 'upgraded', which was the obvious result of the show not being sold out but hey, I am not complaining. 

(Non)Fiction

I've been to the Athenaeum theater only once before for a play titled 'The Dark at the Top of the Stairs' (a play by William Inge) -- the interesting plot was surpassed by stellar acting. On a whim we decided to see a play on Saturday - (Non)Fiction, booking the tickets on Saturday afternoon -- I've rarely seen the smaller theaters packed to the brim in the way you see at the Goodmans and Steppenwolfs of the city.

Spoiler alert if you are planning to watch the play! 

Taste of Chicago 2019

I went to the Taste of Chicago after..four years. I went there my first month in Chicago and it was an experience, but I hardly knew my food preferences the way I do now. Back then, I just ate to live, now in addition to that, I eat for flavor and texture and more than sustenance. We (bf and I) went on Saturday, day 3 of the four day festival. There were pop ups each day as well, that's not something I remember from my visit but imagine has been around for a minute. We pretty much loved everything we ate and so now have new restaurants to frequent soon (since we don't spend enough money on eating out already lol).  

In terms of buying tickets, they should have had stanchion I think. Although I also think it shouldn't be that hard to have self-service kiosks for ticket purchases or the option to have tickets on your phone that the vendors can scan it. Maybe by 2020.

Kimcheese Fries

Let's start with the chicken noodles from Ukai -- straight up delicious. We also tried jerk chicken from a place whose name I marked on our flier and then promptly lost in the post-trip exhaustion. It was almost 90 degrees so there was a lot of sweating, and there were a lot of people. Next up were amazing pierogis from Kasia's (a name that haunts me because of the Rabbit Girls story, rather real life experience). Then some tamales and it was time to take a break because it rained suddenly. I'm a classy lady and I promptly wore my poncho, which in retrospect looks like it could be a garbage bag. This picture of me eating kimcheese fries (yes, you read that right) wrapped in my fashionable poncho, sums up 2019 well so far.

Summer, where are you?

Random art spotted

Summer simply won't come to Chicago. There are a few days here and there, but no certainty that if you missed one of those days, there will be another one. It will be okay, it is not a serious problem, but after a long winter, summers help my mood. Summers this time around at least are also encouraging me to be more active and exercise more. I feel better for sure and it gives me a sense of control. Whenever I can now, I try and attend multiple classes. There is always something that comes up on certain days and so I'd rather do as much as I can when I have the time.

Stacey Abrams: Leading from the Outside

On Saturday, I attended a talk organized as part of the Chicago Humanities Festival. The talk was with Stacey Abrams, whose nomination and work for the post of governor in Georgia, as she rightly said, was stolen from her through gerrymandering, voter suppression and suchlike. I found about the event through a whimsical google search for things to do in Chicago and I am so glad I did. It was a mess of a day, with a freak winterstorm breaking the streak of good weather we had. That is not surprising to be honest; it's one of those things I have to come to expect from the midwest, don't pack away your snow gear until it's June.  The auditorium filled up and the demographic was largely older. What was unexpected was that Stacey's introduction would be done by Lori Lightfoot, mayor-elect. 

What do we do when the internet fails us

My favorite is the one above

So the internet at work is down. Two hours into the work day, it stopped. Four hours later we learned it wasn’t going to come back on for the rest of the working day. Still, no one told us we could leave, so here were most people, hanging out, catching up, taking walks outside, where spring has started showing the promise of summer. I could complain about the day I lost but I’d rather think of it as a day I got unexpectedly. It is (and is not in some ways) surprising how crippling it is to not have internet access. It’s been slim pickings for writing. I don’t have coherent long-form thoughts around any one topic. Instead my mind flits from mental space to physical space and back and forth and so we go on. Life is busy, busy enough I would say, but not the pace of busy I am used to. This is interesting; I had some idea about how “on” I always was but until recently I hadn’t been able to quantify the hours it consumed. On a lighter day, I did so many things I was appalled, because I seem to be deeply invested in doing, much more so than I had thought.

Theater Week: Fulfillment Center and The Realistic Joneses

Chicago Theater Week is coming up and it is probably one of the most interesting weeks of the year for me. Of course, it's never just a week and plays start before the week and continue on afterwards.


In my first year I went to four plays in a week. That was an overkill and in years since, I have used a different approach.What I value most from TW is that it introduces me to theaters that I absolutely did not know about. The Goodman, Steppenwolf, Chicago Theater etc are good but the theater there isn't always what I enjoy. In recent months, the plays that I see on there are also not plays I want to watch -- either the description feels too vague or the plot is just not for me. I know that I like my plays to be at least somewhat solid -- I need a beginning, a story and some sort of an end. Metaphors and all are fine in small doses, but if everything is a metaphor for something or a tangent, then the play is not for me.  Note, I am not calling them bad plays. They have their place and they have their people. I am just not one of them.

In the last two weeks, we went for two plays and honestly I was pleasantly surprised (we've seen some that felt real shitty and a few months ago, walked out of one at Steppenwolf). I must say they were both at small theaters, one with a very bare bones set. Both have fairly tight seating, no coat checks and both these plays had no intermissions. If you are like me and have to pee pretty regularly, that is not a great thing. Also, if like me you have at least two bags post the work day, plus a giant coat, it is cramped. But I recognize that this is the price of watching quality theater put on by people/groups that do not have access to large amounts of donations and grants in the same way I imagine the Goodmans and Steppenwolfs do.

Almost October

 Last week was oddly stressful. There was a surprise meeting with no details and that is never a good sign. This however was a an appreciation meeting, all the more reason for people to use the details section of a calendar invite but oh well.

I do puzzles almost each night, a little bit, it works very well for my brain. This is a 1000 (minus one lost piece) puzzle that I just finished. After this, the big pieces of a 500 piece puzzles seems inelegant and bulky.

I visited a Little Friendly Library (actually two) for the first time. I love the idea, the selections were...meh but that means zilch. I am glad they exist. I have been reading a lot more lately, partly because I bike to the local library some weekends (my bike rides are more fun if I have a purpose such as groceries or books)

And suddenly its August

Chicago evenings

It has been a while hasn't it? To be fair, between April and now, things have been very uncertain (more so than in general) and so I was mostly focused on existing, ping ponging between stress and coping, stress and coping, mostly unhealthy ways of the latter. I honestly don't remember much until early July for what it is worth, although I know a lot happened. I was out at a park with a friend today and this was around 8:30 pm -- the days are getting shorter and summers are coming to an end. My fourth summer in Chicago, if you can believe it. I can hardly believe it.

Popping In, Hey Hey You

My wonderfully apt shower curtain

It's been a while hasn't it? I'd count the days except they would turn into months and I'd tell you all the things that changed except it would become a book. The best parts? I moved into my own apartment, I have my own room AND a spare room, I have grown up furniture. My recliner now has a companion love seat and I have a dresser. The dresser is gorgeous, it has a mirror that brings the room together. I enjoy having a room of my own in an apartment of my own and it has felt both natural and decadent, a little whisper of how marvelously selfish of you? The feeling of waking up and wandering into the living room and using the coffee maker to make myself a cup of average coffee (my skills are still sub par), of eating a meal at the table, so simple and yet so significant.

Boo

(this happened in 2015 I think but I can't remember if I ever shared it here)

Life in random snippets:

"I was walking in downtown Chicago to the train station with a friend when a (drunk and belligerent seeming) man yelled at me: 'Are you Asian or Indian?' (Umm seriously?)

He then went on to yell: teach your people to fucking tip better, you fucking Indians blah blah. (But but but I never took responsibility for all billion people - but racial slurs don't work that way I suppose? So I'll start offering lessons then?)

Even as we walked away, this kind of went on with him yelling. There wasn't any point engaging with him, even though it would have been nice to have an honest conversation (I can't even imagine the frustration of being a min wage worker, dependent on tips, but even so...)

I was pretty calm then but felt kind of shaken on the ride home. This is perhaps the only such experience I have had in Chicago and isn't reflective at all of my time here. But it sort of reminded me of the difference between a slur and stereotype and also why every once in a while, I feel uncomfortable in my own (brown Indian) skin."

Portable

Moving kicks butt. I’ve done many kinds of moving. I started grand and gradually narrowed the imprudence of my ambitions. For my first move, I left my city, country and continent for a new set. All armed with two suitcases and a recklessness that in retrospect gives me the shivers. I half-knew a few people, I did not trust anyone. I was alone, more so in my head than in reality. Two years later, I decided (or rather was compelled to) to switch cities, leaving the calmer streets of Twin Cities for the bustle of Chicago. This time two suitcases would not be enough. Instead I had Amtrak ship six boxes for me, which arrived in the heart of downtown, in an underground city that I didn’t know existed. I cursed myself for those six boxes, as I tried to find someone who could drive me and the boxes for a price I could afford to what was to be a temporary home.