The Worst Email Ever Written

This is fiction, made-up stuff

The worst email that was ever written was like a curse. No, scratch that, it was a curse. Once it was in your inbox, everything went awry. You sent your boss the email with those pictures meant for your boyfriend. You accidentally sent a copy of your bank statement to your mother. Who is usually not the best at email, but this one she managed to read this right away and called you ten times in a row. You think your brother may have a hand in this; he has never approved of what he calls your flighty ways and you can always imagine his self-righteous glee as he read your statement. 

Which reminds you, you hope this wasn’t the one where you charged your, umm, special toys. Actually you would like to see your brother try and ask you about those. None of this would have happened if it weren’t for the worst email ever. People ask you what is this email? You can see them scoffing, not quite believing you, thinking you have finally lost it. After all, why wouldn’t you. Thirty, not quite at the top of the career ladder, or any ladder for that matter, a little scattered, you have inspired little faith in people. But you know the power of the email.

The worst email in the world comes with a different subject line each time but always something simple. Not spam emails from princes and penis enlargement companies simple, but something you feel compelled to open. Like ‘Hullo from an old friend’, or ‘Request for help’ or even ‘Final presentation for review’. But that is a bait. Once you open it, you know. It is full of errors and grammatical mistakes. You can hear your grade V teacher gasp in horror. It has sentences full of words but they make no sense. You can see some rainbow colored text, dancing at you. By then it is too late. You see attachments with names such as ‘day2seconddraftforownreview’ and ‘doc1xxx2014’ and you know you are doomed. The worst email has found a home in your inbox.