Schrödinger's cat

It is time to move, once again. Only temporarily though. I would both like to and not, a bit like Schroedinger's cat I imagine. To avoid the usually chaotic outburst that is my suitcase on arrival, I have been packing things in trash bags and labeling them. "Miscellaneous", "Socks", "Scarves" are some of the categories. There is an entire box full of supplements too. Adulting involves a healthy diet and then some. It involves moving alone, yet again, yet again. M has left town and it feels strange, surreal. I think this is the weekend where I am in denial about my trepidation about moving and sadness about people leaving, graduate school and other things ending. I've been really good at keeping it under control, putting out all the fires. But not this weekend. I have spent most of my time in bed this weekend.


Resting and yet somewhat restless. I have been wandering in my room, sorting and packing. I have been sick and so my dreams have been fevered, exhausting.It feels impossible, I will not lie. Moving to this city almost next doors, from where I can return on a whim to what my heart likes to call home right now, feels like too much, too soon. It has felt impossible in the past and it will in the future. It gets done, it has to, such is life. Moving is not the easiest thing in the world, it is also not the end. I am lucky, blessed to have so many opportunities. I know. But it feels impossible because I am so unanchored. I don't know if I will return to anyplace known or unknown. But I'm told the summer and lakes and food will warm up my soul.

Even with all these lists, I know I will forget something. I remind myself life is messy and chaotic and not to lose perspective of the big things. Nothing is perfect or ever will be. I think all I can hope for moving is to make it a little bit easier on myself. No crazy early morning flights, no hostels or sleeping on floors. The life with which I pay for it has started to hurt just a little. Comfort makes things easier for sure. Here's to one last week of the summer.