Time for Tulips

Bloom outside school

April has been wonderful weather-wise. The sun has been out most days; on others, the rain has been delightful. This is a (welcome) contrast from last year, when it was still snowing (perhaps good for water levels, but definitely disappointing for the soul). But the sun is not much good if you can't be outdoors and there is only so much work that you can do outside. I've been trying to go for a walk everyday, to soak up the sun and take a break. It is almost the end of this (final) semester and I am excited about finishing! The sum of two years of coursework and assignments and groups and (artificial-seeming) deadlines and readings and etc etc feels like a lot. I am sad about some things coming to an end (including my student-life, which I know has given me a lot of opportunities and allowed me live in a sort of a bubble).

More! flowers!

 I walk in the neighborhood around my house - I try and choose a different direction each day but always follow the sunlight. I usually leave my phone behind and I usually listen to a podcast. Once in a while I've been stopping to look at all the flowers (so!many!differently-colored!tulips!) and so the photos. Out of the corner of my eye I see other walkers, joggers and runners - alone, with others, with babies, with dogs. The Twin Cities offer a lot of ways to stay healthy - green outdoor spaces are one for sure (although even as I write this I wonder about how equitably this access is spread across the neighborhoods and I honestly don't know). But I am grateful for the walking routes, the biking paths, the parks around my house.

A view on my way home

There's a strange kind of peace in these walks. So much is uncertain these days - what next, where will I go, what about work,  what about my life, what about my friendships and relationships, my independence. Almost everything is up in the air. Everything that I have allowed myself to take for granted these last two years will change and that utter lack of control is a little frightening. I keep trying to conjure up future scenarios with the pieces of my adult jigsaw puzzle that I have but some pieces are always missing. I have been caught in this wave of worry and struggled too stay afloat. I find walking helpful, almost like meditation, where I try and leave the worries behind and just enjoy the feeling of one foot in front of the other.