This

This is one of the toughest times in the life I have lived so far, especially as an adult responsible for myself.

Rinse and Repeat, Rinse and Repeat

'At every moment of our lives, we all have one foot in a fairy tale and the other in the abyss’

P Coelho

(not a fan of the author, but this line stands out for me)

I have learned that if I experience a specific feeling, a certain emotion, enough number of times (there is a magic number here but I have forgotten to keep count), that I start seeing a pattern, an ebb and flow.

Dancing with hope

Hope and I, we've had an interesting life together. We don't always get along, we are friendly but not friends. sometimes I think hope takes some grim pleasure in playing hide and seek with me. At others, I am sure hope is astonished by how blind I am to it being in front of me.

In today's bucket lists and pipe dreams

(I am trying this thing where I cut down on my caffeine-intake. It is hard. Very, very hard.) 

I am nothing if not ambitious in my dreams (and carrying grocery bags and starting new projects and cleaning the house and trying to lift things like furniture and moving from places). It does not always last. It does not last most of the times. But it lends itself to an entertaining life with a high probability of (mis)adventure.

After A Long Pause

This has been one of my longer pauses. The days and weeks have been full.

Room(s)

I have a memory of summers, a summer and a memory, which are one of my happier ones. I remember walking back home, perhaps from tuition classes or German or one of the many random nothings that filled up my teenage and early years. The street lights are glowing, the evening is starting to cool down and the dust has settled for today. I can hear the hum of evening rituals, voices and television and bikes and shouts and clinking of utensils.

Fraud Indian Woman

So I dug through the archives and found this. I wrote this but never shared it? I think it was probably because of it doesn't seem to make a clear point, just ask questions. But I still find it a useful compass, even if it is two years later. 

At this stage in my life, I find I have no choice but to talk about gender or being a woman. I am not going to get into how I am at this point or stage in my life but I find that I have to speak. There are so many levels on which I am tired of seeing how the world works against women. In this I include both men and women. It is not a one way street. As I moved to Minneapolis, I found myself navigating expectations of how I should be both as an 'Indian' and 'Indian woman'. I am not the first nor the last person to do this. I am just talking about my experiences, which for the longest time I have held back from sharing because I wasn't sure if there was anything new in it. That being said, not being new doesn't make it any less important. I have also often wondered how is it that people reach a point of incredible frustration and disappointment with stereotypes and expectations. I get it now. It is the timeless story of the last straw breaking the camel's back. You reach a point where you cannot take it one more time.